b r e a k t h r o u g h

Can't Sleep, Love

What changed?

The same question that has been echoing inside his head the whole night.

There he is staring blankly at the ceiling while he lies in bed, thinking about things he never thought he’d think about: feelings.

Ali is still human, he experiences  emotions, like loneliness when his parents are gone, or happiness when he’s surrounded by friends. But this, oh this, this got him feeling all kinds of emotions. He wasn’t the type of guy to let his heart overpower his brain. So he’s used to use his logic than his feelings, cause they’re usually right, like in planning a strategy, or making the right decisions.
 
But he has tried to think of more logical explanations for what he’s going through right now. Because he believes that romance is not on the table, no, not ever. Sure, some harmless banter and teasing is expected, but it was nothing serious to him. Well, until now.

That’s why he’s awake so late at night. When Ali reaches a stump he’d do whatever it takes to solve it, even sacrificing his need of sleep, and he can’t sleep right now anyways.
 
He sat up and looked around his messy basement filled with all sorts of weird contraptions. He groaned and rubbed his temples as he reached for the notepad and pencil on his desk.

He tapped his notebook with the pencil, how did it all began, when did he start to feel these feelings? If he could be honest, he doesn’t know.

He couldn’t pinpoint when exactly but he could tell how it started effecting him. He thought it was just fondness at first, despite the fights, she’s still a great friend, and he trusts her, and she trusts him, boy, did he read that wrong. He started stealing glances at her, if he caught her staring back he’d get all giddy for no reason, he started teasing her more often much to her dismay just to see her reaction, and, oh, there is definitely something wrong with him.

His face grew hot and he gently slammed the notepad onto his forehead.

“What is going on, what am I doing, why am I like this?” a stream of questions that desperately needed answering flew out of his mouth.

Ali would rather eat dirt than admit that he gets flustered. He’s known for keeping his composure. Being cool, calm and collected is what he’s all about.

There’s school tomorrow and here he is, awake, past 11 PM, thinking about a girl, out of all girls, his best friend. He vowed to not be stuck in this kind of situation. There are a lot of promises he told himself that he broke, like that time he told himself that he’s not going to stay up late searching for puns, yeah, he broke that one. And also this one.

He groaned, “why are feelings so complicated, science is supposed to be more complicated, and I can solve science!” he stated, flailing his arms around. Lack of sleep and unwanted feelings has made him delirious.

He opened his phone to check the clock, only to stall as he looked at his lock screen background, a picture of him, Raib, and Seli goofing around. He sighed and chuckled hopelessly.

“Ugh, what will they say, what will she say?” he asked himself, as he let his phone slid off his hands and onto the bed dramatically.

Ali wasn’t known to show his insecurities on his sleeve. In the face of danger, he tried to remain as calm as he could. Even when he’s faced with loneliness while his parents are away, he passes those nights trying not to think much of it. Tonight is not one of those nights.

Tonight, a fear deep inside him rose up and decided to taunt him - his fear of abandonment. What will she say when she learns about his feelings? In a worst case scenario, she’d freak out and refuse to talk to him, which is the absolute last thing he wanted. Despite all of this, she was still his friend. Their friendship filled up a hole in his life where his parents left. He didn’t want to ruin it with whatever he’s feeling right now, things will turn awkward, and he doesn’t want that to happen.
His face turned sour as he leaned against his pillows and hugged his knees. It’s late, and he’s sad, what a wonderful combination, he thought.

He sighed and turned on his phone again, looking at the lock screen background.

“Maybe in the morning,” he said, before tossing it out of his hand and positioning himself for sleep.

Maybe in the morning he’ll get answers, maybe in the morning all this will disappear. Maybe in the morning everything will go back to the way it was.

Ali has never been so wrong in his entire life.

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Pining. So much pining.