elude // jahseh onfroy

3 - nightmares

Jahseh

My mom unlocks the front door to our house, my gaze setting on the small living room with antique furniture. Somehow, everything seems different to the last time I saw it. Maybe I've been away from home too long. 

"Aiden! Your brother's come home!" my mom yells, tossing the keys on the coffee table. She heads to the kitchen, leaving me in the empty hallway. The sound of feet thumping against the carpet makes me look up to the staircase, my eyes lighting up when I see my little brother. 

"No way! Jah!!" Aiden yells, jumping straight into my arms. I pick him up like I've always done when he was a kid, but this time he seems a lot heavier. His dark brown eyes shine at me as if I were our dad who had just come back to us.

"Hey, little guy. Wow, you ain't so little anymore," I say, rubbing the top of his head playfully. He's grown a lot taller in these past couple of months. He's practically a big kid now and I missed seeing that. 

"Mommy says I'm gonna be as tall as you someday!!" he squeals, jumping up and down in excitement before hugging me again.

"I'm not that tall, but keep wishing lil bud," I answer with a chuckle. I always call him lil bud. 

He's never been this affectionate with me before. Sure, he's always loved and looked up to me, but this time it's different. I beam at my little brother for the first time in years, making him smile back at me in surprise. 

"Jah could you come here, please?" my mom calls out from the kitchen, interrupting the moment. 

"Sure," I answer, walking to the kitchen with my phone in my hands. She's sat at the dinner table, her hands in her lap. "What's up, mom?"

"Jahseh, we need to talk," she says, making me fear for the worst. I guess I'm so used to living at the verge of panic that the anxiety is always inside me. "Take a seat." 

"Okay..." I slur, pulling out a chair. "What about?" I meet her gaze, worried. 

"Don't get me wrong, I'm more than happy to see you back home. And you know how hard things are living with Aiden on my own..." My mom fiddles with the hem of her sleeve as if she were nervous. "But you gotta promise me you won't do anything like that again. Do you understand?"

The reason I was sent to prison was because of that psychotic bitch that laid hands on my mother. It wasn't a stupid debate about which burger tastes better. 

I've always been a strong believer of vengeance and taking matters into my own hands. But as I stare into my mother's eyes, I realise she will never understand my logic. I've hurt her enough —Aiden, too. 

I hesitate, but I gotta cave in. 

"I promise," I reply, sinking into the chair.

"Good. Now, next thing we gotta talk about. You must go back to school," my mom says. My phone buzzes on the table, my eyes darting to the screen immediately. It's Ski: he's asking if I can ring him up.

"No way, mom," I reply, turning off the screen before meeting her gaze again. 

"Jah, I said MUST. There's no way around this one," she insists. 

"But-"

"I'm beings serious. You gotta turn your life around. You can't keep living your life like this!" my mom explains, but I know I'm not mature enough to listen to reason. I do want to improve and I do want to change, but going back to school will make things worse.

"But the kids will make fun of me for being older," I argue, hoping I can persuade her. I'm like two years older than most of the seniors by now.