It Couldn't Get Much Worse

exhale

The best part of hospice, other than Geoff's newly pain-free body, is the fact that Awsten can still sleep beside Geoff. The bed isn't big enough for Otto and Awsten to lie down with him at the same time, but for the most part, Awsten and Otto are used to slightly different sleep schedules, anyway.

Awsten stays up most of the night while Geoff rests, just like always; he's been convinced the whole time that Geoff is going to die in his sleep, so night after night, he listens to Geoff's every breath until he simply can't keep his eyes open anymore. The nights here are no exception. Just when the morning light starts to peek through the shades, Awsten's eyes flutter closed.

The night here is rougher, though. Otto's been awake with Awsten for a lot of it, and they both push away their rules and cry a little bit. Despite the constant flow of heavy pain medication and the amazing day he had, Geoff is clearly back in a lot of pain, and he's completely out of it.

"Is this it?" Otto mouths to Awsten, and Awsten had just shrugs helplessly. 

Geoff's trying to open his eyes and can't. His hands jerk every so often. His skin is dry and chapped and white. And his lungs... the sound coming from his lungs... that's what reduces Otto and Awsten to tears.

Yeah. This was it.

"It's okay, Geoff," Awsten says after they've been listening for a while. "Me and Otto are here, and we're not going anywhere. We love you; I know you know that. We loved you every day since we met you, and we'll love you every goddamn day for the rest of our lives. I promise."

Otto leans forward to kiss Geoff's temple. Awsten keeps talking.

"But we're here, and if you want to let go, we understand. It's okay. You don't have to keep staying." He brushes his fingers through what's left of Geoff's hair and lets himself cry. "I know it hurts so bad. And you've been so fucking strong, but you don't have to be. You can rest. We won't be mad."

Otto is crying audibly now, too, and Awsten looks at him and tries to smile. They've both walked through this moment mentally a hundred times, but it doesn't make the reality that much easier.

"Y-you're our best friend," Otto sobs, trying to be brave, "but Aws is right. This is too much, Geoff. It's time. It's okay. You can let go now. We won't leave you."

Geoff keeps breathing, and Awsten stares down at him, holding his breath. He looks up at Otto and then back down at Geoff.

A minute passes, and then two, and then five, and then twenty, and forty-five, and then an hour. Then two hours. Otto falls asleep around one AM, but Awsten stays awake, vigilant, until almost six.

Jawn returns around the time Otto wakes at nine o'clock, and for a long time, the only sound in the room other than Geoff's rattly, congested breathing is the quiet click of the camera shutter. The video is still rolling in the corner as Otto silently keeps watch over his best friends.

Geoff wakes at about 9:30 with a strange look on his face, and Otto quickly figures out that he's completely oblivious to what took place the night before. While Awsten sleeps, Geoff shares a few secrets with Otto and Jawn and then makes a request. Otto looks hesitant, but Jawn nods and immediately brings the camera over to his side. Geoff peers down at it, and within minutes, the damage is done.

Awsten is going to be furious.

---

It's noon when Geoff starts to feel better. He's slept on and off all morning like he did at home, and every time Geoff opens his eyes, Awsten rewards him with a kiss on the cheek. But now a little color has returned to his face, and he's able to move almost as well as he had the day before.