Friend, Please

slowly falling away

(Jenna's P.O.V) I slowly walked in the front door carefully turning the old golden door knob and I walk inside another empty feeling called home. The house is quiet as my mom is already passed out on the couch. I slowly set my backpack at the bottom of the stairs, I'm not even going to bother pulling out the homework. I don't want to go to school tomorrow. I then unlace my black shoes, forcefully kick them off my feet then walk up the stairs. I march into my room and slam the door. I swear, Ill never be good enough. I can never do anything right and will never go anywhere in life.. why am I even here. I'm just such a broken lost girl I.. I don't even see how Tyler could love me but I truly admire him. He has such a pure and perfect heart and I can tell even through all the thoughts telling me no one likes me and I'm better off dead.. he cares about me. I just don't know what to do anymore though, as much as I don't want to hurt Tyler I don't want to continue on any longer. Slowly I walk over to my desk and sit down. I twiddle with my nails and pick at my skin, I fight the feeling of sweaty palms and fire burning thoughts I.. just want to scream... I just want to let go. At 2:37 in the morning no one should have to be in the place I'm in. Then I decided.. I pulled out my notepad.. "Dear Tyler.. I'm so sorry but" 

No. What am I thinking? I can't do that.. I.. I'm not thinking straight. I sit up from my desk then walk out of my room to the bathroom to splash some water in my face. 

Okay Jenna.. Your fine... It's all in our head right? Everything will be okay.. 

I took a few deep breaths then walked away. I pull out my earbuds then turned the music up as loud as I could because I despise the sound of my own symphony.. 

Then I laid down in my bed, pulling the covers up and adjusting the earbuds. Now I lay here to be drowned by my demons. 

"You say that spiders crawled inside and made themselves a home where light once was."