Fanfic Bootcamp

Round Four - Captain: Raymond Reddington v.s. Deadpool

  " Finally. I thought you were never going to show up. " Reddington said as he folded his paper in half. He looked up at the balcony, where a man wearing a red and black skintight suit was standing. Reddington put his paper on his breakfast table.

" You could've just knocked, you know. It might have been easier for you not to climb fifteen stories."

" You've been expecting me?" Deadpool asked, though not impressed by it.

 " You will soon start to realize that no one can surprise Raymond Reddington." he mocked and held out a bag. " Pretzels? Or don't you mutants eat Earthly matters?"

" Can't a criminal like yourself afford better food than pretzels?" Deadpool took the empty seat in front of Reddington, crossing his legs under the chair.

" They're special pretzels. Flewn in from a local bakery in Paris."

" No thanks." 

" Well, that's your call," Reddington said as he put a fistful of pretzels in his mouth and filled two cups with tea. Deadpool just stared at Reddington and how he ate those pretzels.

" Give me that bag," Deadpool snatched the bag of pretzels away from him. He took off his mask and started eating.

" They're really good, aren't they?" Reddington said to him, to which Deadpool reluctantly agreed.

" Better than those make-believe pretzels they sell here. What a scam." Deadpool muttered with his mouth full and pushed some more in.

" Nice view." Deadpool pointed out. Reddington agreed. " It's a great spot to dispose of unwanted invitees." 

" You know, I know a great plastic surgeon," Reddington said, pointing at his face, " You can't seriously be happy with that cheese crust you use for a skin." 

" Thanks, but I really enjoy my pizza face. At least I don't have your face. I'd be horrified every time I checked the mirror," Deadpool casually said.

Reddington bellowed and slapped his knee. " Now, that's a good one." 

Deadpool just smirked as he continued eating the pretzels.

" You know, Reddington, I'm not just here because I wanted tea and chat. It's come to my attention you know things about The Workshop." 

" I doubt you'll find my information useful, Wade," Reddington replied. "It's such a shame you had to kill Jared Smith. We all do stupid things every once in a while." 

" I guess I shouldn't be surprised you know my name," Deadpool said. " But what do you mean, it's a shame I killed Jared Smith?"

" He was a kind man, he was. The thing is, I wanted to kill him myself." 

" Then why don't you thank me? Isn't it the least you can do?" 

" No," Reddington stated. " He had information I desperately needed. I got it, nonetheless. It just took me four days longer than usual. I should put you down long ago. And here you are again, wasting valuable time I don't have." 

" It's not like I enjoy being here, Reddington. There are hundreds of places I'd rather be than in a penthouse with a sixty-year-old douchebag." 

" Now that's insulting. I'm sixty minus two." Reddington mentioned.

" What do you want me to do when you give me information about The Workshop?" Deadpool asked.

" Leave the country, buy a desert island and jerk off until you're unable to stand," Reddington suggested. " And please, take that posse of yours with you. I don't want them to pay me unannounced visits as you do." 

" I'm definitely going to take you off speed dial." 

" Did anyone ever mention you talk too much?" Reddington took his paper off the table again and folded it open.

In a swift movement, Deadpool had snatched the paper away from him and threw it out of the window.

" Did you really have to do that? I was checking the stock markets." Reddington asked with raised eyebrows.

" Give. Me. The. Information." 

" You're so demanding, Wade. Did they enhance that trait in The Workshop? Because I feel they did." 

Reddington stood up and left the room. " Aren't you coming?" He shouted, to which Deadpool grabbed his mask and followed the old man.

Deadpool found Reddington in an office, where he was sat behind a laptop.

" Do you even know how today's technology works, old man?" Deadpool mocked as he sat down on one of the chairs.

" Do you know how many men I killed? No, you don't. Now please, shut up Douchepool, or I will send you flying." Reddington warned.

" Fine. Fine! See how well your computing skills are Red." Deadpool said and gestured at the laptop.

" Good. Now that I have the attention, I would like to tell you that Ajax did survive. Yes, shocking."

Deadpool's face was full of surprise. " He can't be. I killed him." 

" Like I said, you can't surprise me. But you will also come to realize that I, Raymond Reddington, am in fact, never wrong." Reddington crossed his arms.

" He died! I executed him with a pistol!" Deadpool said out of disbelief. " He died right then and there! I shot him!" 

" Does this look like a dead man to you, Wade?" Reddington twisted his laptop around, revealing a picture of a rather alive Ajax. 

" This picture of Posh Spice has been taken five days ago. He looks as healthy as a horse." Reddington twisted his laptop back around.

" He's been holding up in a small town in Connecticut called Ansonia for the last few months. You will find him there in an abandoned warehouse. I'm sure there's not many of them around."

Deadpool was still baffled. " How do you know all this?" Deadpool commanded.

" I'm a criminal mastermind who's been on number four of America's most wanted list. I have been able to stay off the grid for more than twenty years. You're really asking me how I know things?" Reddington started laughing.

" You will not find him alone, Wade. As a matter of fact, Angel Dust and Marrow have been signaled, too. Next time, make sure you check to see those people are dead. Deadpool." 

Deadpool stood up. " What do you want in return?" he asked.

Reddington followed his lead. " For you to never show up my doorstep, or balcony should I say, ever again." He opened the front door to let Deadpool out.

" I have enough on my hands as it is. I don't need mutants added on to that list." Deadpool put his mask back on. 

" Your wish is my command, old man."