Escaping Breath

Chapter 03

There's this weird sense of liberation being detached from everyone. Almost like our lives are no longer aligned, like we're strangers to one another. It makes me feel like I can walk out my bedroom, where I'm plastered amidst my tangled sheets, and into a world that can become my jungle, where I can be a new person, where I can meet new people, where I can discover different places. And a huge part of me almost wants to do that. A part of me wants to grab the worn out navy blue duffel bag hidden behind my closet, pack it with as many belongs that I can stuff in it, buy myself a random bus ticket and just get the hell out of here. 

Everything feels so temporary like at any moment it's going to disappear from my grasp. And I don't think I truly want anything enough to even try to hang on to it. Maybe that's what it means to let go. Leaving everything behind and finding something worth holding onto. Finding something that actually means more.

The weekend passed by like a summer sky, so fast and yet so slow. After Jayce bailed on me, I never found it in myself to go check up on Grace to see if she was okay. I simply texted her a  "get better" message, telling her I'd talk to her soon. She and Leah attempted to get a hold of me that day and after, saying how they wish they could have been at school to wish me a happy birthday, and how they'd make it up for me next year. I'm sure they'll forget. Jayce was even more relentless with his messages and calls, but I ignored them too. It wasn't like him to usually bail on me. Although stuff like this didn't tend to get to me it had for some reason. I wasn't a fan of being disappointed. 

I had skipped classes on Monday and Tuesday, still not feeling the need to really interact with people but on Wednesday morning I knew I had no choice but to show up. I wasn't a perfect student so missing a day or two didn't affect me all that much but I also didn't want to get so behind that my grades would lower. There's no use in having a GPA drop with only a couple months of high school left. 

Last night I put an alarm on for at least an hour before the time I tend to wake up. If I had to go to school when I didn't want to interact with anyone this would mean me getting there extra early before most students and just sitting in my empty classroom before class begins. 

Just as I had guessed, the school is completely dead upon my arrival. There are a few cars parked out on the lot that belong to the professors that like to get in early, but not a single student is in sight. Well except for Marideth, the student council president. She likes to come in early every other day to help the Student Services Department before classes. It's her way of getting the student board on her side whenever she needs a couple of rules broken and not to mention, it looks great on her college applications. I could tell she was confused to see another student besides herself at the school so early but managed to give me a rather hesitant wave nonetheless as I walked down the corridor and into Taylor's classroom. I wasn't surprised to not see him there.

Going to my usual seat, I grab my notebook and pen, pop my headphones in and let the comforting melody of The Lumineers take me away. 

There's this image that keeps playing in my head. The night seems long and dreary, but there's a calm...a sense of knowing. Before me the trees sway their green leaves with the gray muskiness of the sky. In a swift motion, they become one, the wind guiding them in the movements. At that moment, as the world comes together in a single graceful act, it's almost as if I know that wherever I'm at, I made it.

The life that I wanted...it's mine. It's a life of my own.

The sky rains its tears and I stand there on the porch, arms crossed to my chest and I watch. I do nothing but watch the land before me get drained, but I know it's okay. I know it's okay because in that image I'm home.

I'm finally home. 

"Writing away in that notebook again I see," I hear Taylor say through my headphones.