Our Love Will Remain - The story after Mockingjay

Chapter 8

"Please?" he says with a pleading voice.

"Peeta, I'm sorry. But I can't do it. I'm too scared." I answer.

"Of what?" he takes a step closer and takes my shoulders in his hands lightly. "What are you scared of, Katniss?" he says, a little frustrated. He's been begging me for years.

"I'm afraid that it would be taken away from me, just as what happened with Her." I say, feeling like crying. "I know that the Games are over and Snow's dead, but I'm still scared." I say and begin to cry. "I just couldn't bear the press, Peeta."

He takes me in his arms and starts rubbing my back.

"It's okay, Katniss, if you're not ready for a baby, then I'll wait. I don't want to force you into anything. I'm sorry." he says, trying not to sound sad, but I can hear the hurt in his voice. I feel so bad for him. When he asked me to even consider having a baby, I just started crying. That's his biggest weakness. He hates to see me in pain, so he just gives up right away and starts to soothe me. It's not fair. "I will never deserve him." I think.

When he has held me for a couple of minutes, I stop crying.

"I'm sorry, honey, I just..." he interrupts himself. "If you don't want a baby, then we don't have to have one. As long as I have you, that's all I need." he says. He's doing it again. Pretending not to want a baby anymore. But I know that's what he wants the most right now. Well, maybe except for me.

It's been twelve years since we got married, and we still haven't got a baby. Many people think it's weird, since they know how much we love each other. We are already thirty-two years old and still haven't even been planning to have a baby. Because I won't. Peeta's been begging me for about five years already and I'm still saying no. I can't believe how he stands it. He's been giving me everything, and when there is one thing he wants, I can't even give him that.

"I love you, Peeta." I say, kissing him hard on the lips, wanting him to know how much I love him. "So much." I finish my sentence.

"I love you too, Katniss. With all my heart." he says, kissing me with passion. I put my arms around his neck and start kissing him back. He clutches my waist and pulls me closer to him, and then he starts to kiss my neck. That gives me time to breathe for a while. His lips trail up and down my neck, slowly finding back to my lips again. I put my hands on his chest while the kisses slowly turn lighter and lighter, to finally stop.

"Why did you stop?" I ask curiously.

"Because if I wouldn't have, it could have turned to something else and you could've been pregnant in the morning." he says. "And we don't want that, do we?" he says, trying to smile. I can't believe it! He just did something to stop me for getting pregnant, even if that's the only thing he wants right now, just to make me happy. I feel so selfish that I start to cry again. Peeta hugs me tightly and says:

"What did I say? I'm sorry if I upset you, honey." with a worried voice.

"Y-you d-didn't say anything P-Peeta, you're j-just t-too good to m-me." I say between sobs. "I w-will never d-deserve y-you, Peeta." I say, burying my face in his shirt.

"Shhhh, Katniss, it's alright, sweetheart." he says soothingly and rocks me back and forth. When my sobbing stops, he asks:

"What would you think of going out on a walk, honey?" he uses the word 'honey' a lot right now, because he knows how upset I am. I nod. A walk would feel good right now. I take his hand in a hard grip. I don't want him to let go. When we have closed the door behind us, we instinctively start walking towards the Meadow. When we pass the Seam, we see two small children playing on the street. A little girl and an older boy. I think they play catch. They look so happy as they run back and forth. I wonder who their parents are. I look at Peeta. His face is full of pain. He doesn't look at the children anymore, he just stares at the ground. I know how much he is suffering right now, and I suffer with him. I hate to see him in pain also. I hear a shrill cry. The girl just tripped and scraped up her knee. I run up to her. She starts to cry. Her brother looks alarmed and stares at me.

"Are you Katniss Mellark?" the boy asks. I bet he has heard about me in school.

"Yes, I am. What's her name?" I ask the boy.

"It's Daisy. Daisy Sutmore." the boy says. I go down to my knees and stroke the girl's cheek.

"It's alright, Daisy, your brother will go and get your mother and father." I say, calming her. The boy get it. He runs down to one of the houses in the Seam that does not look so abandoned and decayed as the others, and soon a woman is running down the street with him. When they reach me and Daisy, the woman, that I suppose is Daisy's mother, says:

"Thank you for helping her, Mrs. Mellark. Come here, Daisy, let's go and fix you." and walks down the street again with Daisy in her arms.

"Tank-woo" Daisy says and waves at me. I feel warm inside. Until I remember Peeta. I walk back to the spot where I left him, but he is not there. I look around, and see him leaning against a willow tree about fifty feet away. I am so worried for him, I don't know exactly how much he suffers right now. I run up to him and see a small tear on his cheek. I almost start to cry as well. It's my fault. I caused that tear by refusing to have a child with him. But as I helped that girl, I realised something that I had never realised before. I go and sit on my knees right in front of him. I wipe the tear from his cheek and look him straight in the eye.

"Katniss, I'm s..."

"No, Peeta, it's not you who should be sorry. I know how much you want a baby, even though you deny it all the time. You've been giving me everything all these years and I have given you nothing."

"But I..."

"No. You have to listen to me now, Peeta. As I was helping that girl I realised something that I had never thought about before. I want children too. I was just so blinded by fear that I didn't realise it until now. I want to give you a baby, Peeta. I want to have a baby with you." I say, not breaking eye contact.

"But I don't want a baby if you're only having it because I want to. I..."

"But I'm not, Peeta. I really want a child. A child that is only ours." I say, still not breaking eye contact.

"Are you sure?" says Peeta. He's still thinking about me.

"I am one-hundred percent sure." I say with a confident voice. Then he hugs me so tight that I almost can't breathe. But I don't say anything. I don't want Peeta to feel any more guilty. When he breaks away from the hug, he kisses me with such passion that I fall onto him. He lifts me up in bridal style and he continues kissing me. He starts to run towards the house and is a little breathless when we stand at the door. He puts me down and opens the door, still not breaking away from the kiss. We fumble through the living room and up the stairs. We don't stop until we are in our bedroom. He overturns me onto the bed and I pull him closer with my legs around his waist. He starts kissing my neck, and this time, he doesn't stop.