Sanity

Chapter 3

"Hey," i said back.
Holy crap. He was gorgeous. He had on a white polo shirt and khaki shorts. Typical douche outfit. But for some strange reason, on him, it was the hottest thing.
   I scoffed. What was i doing? I barely knew this boy. But still, i felt like i'd known him forever..
Without warning, or even asking, he took hold of my hand and walked me down the beach. I didn't know what to say, so i waited for him to speak first. And thankfully, he did.
"So hey look. I'm sorry if i was an ass earlier about the whole mom situation. It must be tough never seeing the woman who made you," he gave me a halfhearted smile, and looked away. I could tell he was feeling guilty.
"It's fine," i assured him, "there's nothing i can do about it anyways."
"What do you mean? Does your father not allow you to see her? Are they divorced?"
I sighed. I don't know why, but i felt like i could be comfortable telling him anything. It was strange though, because i didn't even open up to ginny about mom until we had been friends for 6 months.
"When i was 4 years old, my mom died. She was bringing me to the park one night because i couldn't fall asleep," tears began filling in my eyes, as they generally do when i tell the story, "She was just about to turn the corner when a drunk teenager hit her side. She had been so concerned with helping me that night she forgot to put on her seat belt. So she flew through the windshield and died. Because of me."
Now i was really crying. I never told that part to dad because i knew he'd try to convince me it wasn't my fault. Cade pulled me close to his chest and began rubbing the back of my head.
"It's okay, Katie. You were little, you couldn't do anything about it. No one blames you."
"I do," i chocked out "I blame me. If i would have just gone to sleep that night like i was supposed to, mom would have never taken me out and she would've never died."
Cade gently placed his hands on my cheeks and tilted my face up until our eyes met. He smiled. For real this time.
Those deep blue eyes. I could get lost in those forever. But i pulled away. I can't get attached to him. Just like most people in my life, he would leave me.
But he wasn't giving up that easy. He grabbed my hand and turned me around to face him again.
"Katie Mellow, you are beautiful. People go, people we care about. It's not our fault. We can't help that. That's the work of God, and it's out of our hands" he was so serious i almost wanted to laugh. Instead, i smiled at him. I was so happy to have him here right now.
But the, oh god. He pulled me closer. And he kissed me. And i didn't even pull away. I kissed him back. He tasted like mint and vanilla. It was delicious. I didn't want to stop, but i needed air, so i pulled away gently.
"Wow," he breathed.
And then. Holy crap. I realized what just happened.
"I'm sorry," i began to panic, "i have to go." And before i could even here his answer, I was gone. I was running up the beach back home with the image of what just happened playing and replaying in my mind.
Before i stepped inside, I peered through the front window. Dad was asleep in his chair in front of the tv.
I quietly opened the front door and snuck inside. I slipped off my sandals and tiptoed up the steps. When i got inside of my room, I lates back on my bed. My phone began ringing. Cade Rials lit up my screen. I couldn't talk to him. I knew what he was gonna ask. And i couldn't answer it. How could i explain to him i ran away because i had never kissed a guy before, especially one i knew less than 24 hours.
A few hours later i counted a total of 15 missed calls, the last one being 45 minutes ago, before he finally gave up. I wasn't okay. I decided to go to sleep, no matter how long it took.

When i woke up the next morning, i didn't do what i usually did. Instead of going on my usual jog, i buried myself deep under the covers, fearing Cade would be waiting at the cafe for some sort of explanation to last night.
I hated sleeping in for longer than necessary, and i knew dad would be suspicious if i didn't go jogging, since i always did no matter what, so i decided to get dressed and jog the beach. This time, instead of going left to the cafe, I went right to the bar.
As soon as i walked out the door, however, there he was. One large sad eyed boy with one small caramel frappuccino.
"I don't know what happened last night, but right now, i'm here. At your house, to apologize for whatever made you run away last night. If it was a reaction to the kiss, I'm sorry. It shouldn't have happened if u didn't want it."
I wanted to cry. This boy who barely knew me, was here with my daily coffee order and an apology. The problem is he has nothing to apologize for. He's. it the one who ran away and and ignored my calls and was about to avoid me. It was me who had to apologize. But i had no explanation as to why i did what i did.
"Don't apologize," i practically demanded, "It wasn't you. It was completely me. I ran and ignored you. You didn't deserve that. And i'm sorry. I don't have a good reason or proper explanation for why i did what i did."
He looked at me. His expression was blank and i had no idea what he was thinking, but i could tell he wasn't mad. He extended the hand with the coffee in it and i took it greatfully.
And then, the door opened. Slowly. And dad stepped out, saw Cade, and....... smiled.
"Hi. You must be one of Katie's friends. I'm her dad, you can call me Danny."
I was stunned still. My spine was frozen and all i could do was stare at dads outstretched hand. He didn't confuse me with mom this time? He didn't confuse me with mom this time. Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Oh fuck!!
"Hi i'm cade," Cade smiles at dad and shook his hand.
This was going so well, and yet i was still shaking, fearing that dad may snap at any second and i would have no idea what to do.
   However, instead of snapping, dad continued to smile, and then..
   "So, what brings you here today?"
   "Oh, uh," cade looked at me, having no idea what to say, "I just came to give Katie her coffee order."
   "Oh. Well Katie usually jogs to the cafe for that," dad glared.
   Oh crap. He was being a bit rude and i had a terrible feeling about where this was going.
   "Oh, yes sir, i know," cade was looking a bit nervous and i had no idea what to say or do.
   "But," dad smiled, "i'm sure she appreciates it,"
   Pinch me. I must be fucking dreaming.
   "Well, thanks for dropping by, see you soon maybe?" and with that he walked into the house. I was stunned speechless, just staring at the door as it closed behind him.