Just One Day | A Kim Namjoon Fanfiction

Relapsing

If the title hasn't given it away, there will be some graphic content ahead. Please read with caution.

It's been a few days since I went on the walk with Namjoon. I don't think I'll ever forget that day, and I definitely don't want to.

I've been awake for a few hours but I can't seem to get out of bed. I feel like shit today. Maybe a shower will help.

I forced myself out of bed and I trudged to the bathroom. I undressed, turned the hot water on, then got in the shower.

I just let the hot water run over my body, I stood there feeling numb.

I didn't want to wash my hair or my body but I forced myself to just so I wouldn't stink.

After washing I got out and wrapped a towel around my body. As soon as I stepped out of the shower all I could see was everything I hated about myself.

Every scar, every stretch mark, my entire body. The feelings of self hatred came back all at once. I couldn't take my eyes away from the mirror. I just stood there staring blankly at my figure.

It took me quite awhile before I came back to my senses. I finally left the bathroom so I could change.

I didn't have plans for today and I definitely didn't want to leave the dorm, so I put on my Ryan pj's. The cold silk fabric felt nice against my skin.

I went back to the bathroom to comb my hair. I opened the drawer where I usually keep my comb and there they were. A few of my razor blades tucked away.

For the longest time I had forgotten they were there, but now that I've seen them the temptation to drag one across my skin has come back. It's like they were calling out to me.

"One little cut won't hurt," I whispered to myself. Was I really about to give in and relapse again?

I took the edge of the blade and slowly dragged it against my wrist. I watched as the blood started to rise from the fresh cut.

Seeing the familiar sight was almost refreshing. Once I started I couldn't stop. I kept cutting myself, each new cut deeper than the last.

Before I knew it my arms were covered in blood. I instantly regretted what I did. I felt awful, I took it too far and now I hate myself for it.

The blood wouldn't stop pouring out, it all happened so fast.

I rushed to grab my phone and called the one person that I knew would pick up. It only took two rings before they answered.

"Hello?" Hearing his voice instantly made me cry.

"Namjoon?" It was hard to say his name through the tears.

"Oh my god Harin! Are you okay?" He sounded so worried and so scared.

"It's an emergency, I need you... please hurry." That's all I could make out before crying again.

"I'm on my way." Those were the last words I heard before the line was cut.

Dropping my phone was the last thing I remember before blacking our.

* A few days later *

I tried to open my eyes but they felt so heavy. Once I finally got them open, bright white lights blinded my vision.

I managed to open my eyes again to finally realize where I was at.

"Shit," was all I could say.

I really didn't mean to do it again. I didn't mean for it to get this bad.

I heard someone jump to their feet, before I knew it Namjoon was leaning over the hospital bed looking at me.

His face was swollen and his eyes were red from crying. I turned my head away from him. I couldn't bear to look at him knowing I made him cry.

"Harin," his voice was soft, "I'm glad you're okay." I saw a tear run down his left cheek.

"Namjoon, I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen." I felt so horrible.

"Shh, all that matters is that you're okay now." Namjoon tucked a few loose strands of hair behind my ear and stroked my cheek with his thumb.

The doctors came in shortly after and explained how lucky I was to be alive, and that I would be staying for a day or two more so they can monitor me.

I felt Namjoon intertwine our fingers and give my hand a slight squeeze.

"I'm going to stay here with you, okay?" His words were gentle, yet they hit hard.

"You don't have to, it's okay for you to go home." I didn't want him to feel like he had to stay here.

" I know I don't have to, but I want to." Namjoon looked at me with soft eyes.

Why is he like this? He drives me crazy.

"Namjoon?" I wanted to say something, but it scared me to say it.

"Yes?" He questioned.

I never thought I'd say the next few words that left my mouth, "I love you."

This by far was the hardest chapter for me to write. Because I no longer feel this way and haven't for quite a long time, I have to basically dig deep and find those old feelings just to write about a depressed character. It's easy to plan out but to write details isn't easy. I'm also very sorry that it took me so long to update, I've just had a lot going on and I couldn't find my notebook for awhile. The new chapter is here though and I really hope you enjoyed it. I don't plan to stop writing this story, no matter how long it takes me to update each chapter. I will continue writing until I feel it's reached an ending point. Also, thank you all so much for 12k reads. It's something I never thought I would accomplish and it's amazing.