my real life journal of bullshit

July 11th 1:21 am (introductions)

Hi my (fake) name is Rose. I'm 244lbs, bisexual, slightly depressed and full of anxiety and pent up emotions. It's nice to meet you.

Before I start I just wanna say, don't be an asshole. Don't leave malicious comments, this is my life in sharing with you. Hell I love comments and advice, but make it nice, I already have enough rude people in my life (as you will soon find out).

Now where were we? Oh yeah, I'm fat, and proud.... (on my good days) I'm 17 very recently. As in, my b day was like, 5 days ago (Yay happy birthday to me). I am a frequent masturbater, I love animals, and I am a hard worker (full time at the shell all summer long). I've spoken to multiple people and plenty say, find ways to release your emotions in a healthy way..... I don't know if this is it, but I'm doing it anyways. I have a brother and my mom that I live with, my dad sucks and is very absent...... I like his girlfriend though, she is a sweet old lady.

Why am I doing this? I don't know, maybe I'll magically be less of a depressed bitch with no love life.... maybe I'll get the help I need.... most likely I'll just end up embarassing myself on the internet.... oh well.

So let's continue.

Dear diary of bullshit.

Today was a shitty day. It started out shitty. I was woken up early to go to a counselors appointment, but when I got there, NO ONE was at her office.... turns out my mom read the 19th, as the tenth....*insert face palm*. But that was okay, because I got to go for a drive with my mom, plus I got my favorite coffee.

A tim hortons large iced capp with chocolate milk and the whipped cream blended in. *drool*

After, I got ready for work, got to work, found out I was working with *heart flutters* Calvin. Yes I like him, yes we are buds, yes I shoved ice down his shirt once. So..... yeah.

But that is not all. I cried at work... in front of customers.... AGAIN. I've cried at work about 4 times.... and I've only been there for a MONTH.😖😖😖😖

Okay so go back a week.

*flashback*

this massive 6 foot 4 guy comes in and screams at me, because he paid for firewood and was waiting to get it. No one told me to get it for him, he didn't approach me before this, I was busy pumping fucking gas. He cursed me out and made me leave my other customers, no one went to defend me, or help me, I screamed at bystanders for staring... and if they waited 10 mins they'd be pissed too.. May I just pause and say... day before canada day, all pumps are occupied, only 3 of us, and there was a line out the door. YES YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT A BIT CALM THE FUCK DOWN... is what I should have said. Instead this came out.

"I am am so sorry you had to wait sir, let me get you your firewood"

Him: fuck fuck fuckiddy fucker (not really what he said but I forgot exactly what he was screaming at me)

*unlocking wood shed*

Him: I FUCKING WAITED 10 MINUTES AND NOBODY FUC- (more rude bullshit)

*hands him wood* have a nice day sir.

So after that I leaned against the shed for 5 mins, before going back to work, tears falling from my face (again NO ONE asks me if I'm okay). He comes back in his truck, spitting gravel, pulls up to me and says. (I remember this part clear as day)

Him: next time you wanna say something, say it to my fucking face. *drives away*

This is what I should have said.
- This is my second week
- fuck you asshole
- I was busy and didn't see you
- next time you want something FUCKING WALK UP TO ME AND ASK.
- FUCK YOU, YOU PIG
- eat shit
- look at me, you made me CRY
- don't come back here
- FUCK OFF OR I WILL CALL THE COPS

Okay, so... back to present day

This is why I was crying today.

This guy comes in wanting gas.
Comes up to me and says.

"Hi are you firewood girl"

First of all...Huh?

"I came in here about a week ago with this big ugly guy, he was my cousin"

It finally clicks in my head who this guy was... the asshole in the passenger seat of big meanies truck. Who also said nothing to help me at the time.

I look up at him, and said "yeah?"

"I just wanted to say sorry about my cousin, he's like that cause he lives up north"

And I'm like "??????😓"

He goes inside and I immediately start crying. He comes back out after paying for his gas and I say.

"Tell your cousin that that was my first week, and that after he left I cried for 20 mins" he looked me in the eyes, and said.

"I'm sorry"

Got in his truck and drove off.

I don't think that was enough. I DESERVE a face to face apology from the asshole himself.

He made me cry.... TWICE NOW.

If you are reading this, I just want you to know..... you may have forgotten me, but you scared me so bad that I will NEVER forget your face, or your big truck, or the sound of your voice when you screamed at me. Every time a big black truck pulls in, I'm scared it will be you.

That is what I needed to get off my chest at (now) 2:12 am. Please give me your opinion, am I being unreasonable? Should I leave this be?

Anyways, thanks for reading.

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