Summertime Sadness

Chapter Three: A Heart Full Of Love

She moved aside and revealed him.

"A pleasure to meet you, mademoiselle." He seemed a little nervous and hesitant, yet glowing with radiance. I couldn't speak as he uttered the few words. He smiled with the pensive melancholy that wisdom brings, yet the naive hope of fresh prospects, and seemed to know the darkness and truth and corruption of society, yet implored it to spare the lives it so greedily crushed. His eyes had an excitement and beauty that could see your soul and promised to adore- adore? My thoughts broke off. What was happening? My heart was racing, I was filled with jubilation, and I couldn't look away or do anything else. I was paralyzed? But I knew the truth.

"I'm Anna Ruby. I don't always go to parties. Wait, I do and I enjoy them- but not really." I was cut off by his laugh that cloaked me with a gentle but not smothering warmth, a reassurance that I hadn't found in a long time. His voice was soft yet sincere and beckoned to me with youth and passion and compassion, promising that he held the world. Then, he kissed my hand.

I felt myself flutter as if I was on fire, and my soul was lit with a burning flame, a strong and intoxicating ardor. His lips against the back of my hand felt like they were on my lips, and I struggled to hold back my delight. Even though his lips were cold, they lit me and ensured that my heart had been taken forever.

When he pulled away, it felt like we had been in an embrace forever, not just a fleeting second. I took a close look at him.

His eyes were difficult to describe. They were a tinted shade of sky blue, with a gray glass panel put on top, then consistently smeared with shiny polish. They were dangerous and alluring, and I found myself falling all too fast.

"Enjoying the party?" He broke off the awkward silence by asking me.

"It's a swell party, and the music is exciting and the dances are amazing and the food is delicious." I blurted out like I was still a young girl with unbelievable dreams of love and marriage, instead of the desperate one I was now.

"It seems I was the only one invited." He held up an invitation signed Gatsby, and I was incredulous. I blushed, and looked down.

"Well, actually, I wasn't invited. I kind of just barged in." I knew that everyone came uninvited, but Nick Carraway suddenly made me care. I could tell that he was honest, and was kind. He could get even Gatsby, the elusive and rich party thrower, to trust him. He probably possessed unbiased judgement.

"It's incredible, the amount of people here!" He changed the subject.

"Gatsby is very popular. No one knows who he is." I grew a little more confident as we continued our conversation continued.

"He was a German spy during the war!" One man argued.

"No, he was the Kaiser's assassin!" Another provided another rumor.

"I heard he killed a man." Lily mysteriously slid across the room, whispering. I swore that she winked at me, seeing my dazed gaze at Nick.

"It was nice meeting you, Anna. Jordan says she knows Mr. Gatsby. We're trying to find him." He waved. I waved too. But I just put my hand in the air, forgetting to move it. When I remembered my mistake, I quickly moved it back and forth. He copied me, smiling still.

Then, the full force of the event came rushing to me. And I was sure of two things. I was in love with Nick Carraway.

But only on my own.

How did I think that I could compete with other flappers, celebrities, and extremely wealthy ladies? Jordan Baker, one of the most famous golfers, compared to Anna Ruby. The Ruby name was virtually unknown, perhaps stated in some obscure and dusty volume. We were both young, but she had talent and seductiveness. She could easily get anyone to marry her. She could marry him. Maybe she would be the first to kiss him. Before my lips actually brushed his. Or maybe they had kissed already.

I could imagine it, his arm around her slender waist, the two of them only seeing each other, with hearts full of love and thoughts filled with bliss.

After a few moments of waiting, I decided to follow him up the stairs. I closely tracked each of his steps, like an obsessive stalker. My eyes hungrily followed his every move, and I was injected with desire. But a figure moved in front of me.

"Anna! Him? He's taken! And, besides, he's one of the newcomers! I saw him looking out the window of his tiny house once!" She made a disappointed countenance at me.

"What did his house look like? Where did he live? Tell me all the details!" I murmured.

"Calm down, lovebird! He lives in the woody shadows of Gatsby's mansion, in a small two storied house with an overgrown lawn and small porch. That's all I can say! I was at the beach."

"In the shadows of Gatsby's mansion, you say..." In my eyes, he was even more treasured in my heart now. We both lived in the shadows while stars glowed elsewhere. Stars that we could never match up to. I wanted to go to his house, no matter how small. I wanted to dream, share my wishes with him. He would tell me his. With sheer restraint, I kept myself from finding him and demanding if he loved me. I had to remain a calm and composed lady. Never let them see what goes on in your head. Shakily, I smoothed my dress, and took a deep breath. Anna, your behavior is merely being creepy! He would not love you with Jordan. Even if she was gone, the chances would still not be very large. You can dream, but please, have some self control.

Please, let me talk to him again! Anna! Show yourself some care!

No, Anna.

Fine. I'll confess it. I love him. He loves Jordan. I love him. I completely love him. And I'll be damned to not show a hint of it.

A long pause.

You have five minutes.