Summertime Sadness

Pretending

I quickly located Nick Carraway from the crowd, and without noticing, smoothed my hair, flattened my dress, and blinked a few times then opened my eyes as wide as dewdrops. He spotted me, and waved.

"Hello again, Anna! You're welcome to join us!" His smile was airy and lofty, like a sun kissed cloud.

"I would love to, in a second." My cheeks turned cherry red, a shade of red that bordered magenta but still contained the shade of blood. I rushed, my heels clanking on the floor, to the bathroom. I took out a dark coral glossy lipstick, and smeared it over my mouth. I then replaced the diamond headband with a tight silver and feathered headdress.

I jumped back as Jordan came in, and brushed her short dark hair in front of the mirror.

"I remember you from our earlier encounter, Anna. You and Nick seem to have a special chemistry." She didn't appear jealous at all, yet had a hint of emotion.

"I take that you two have met before?" I didn't know what to say, and almost made no sound.

"We've met at his cousin Daisy's house. We are... in a relationship." She looked tentative, and I started getting hopeful. Then I realized something.

"Daisy... his cousin?" No, not the golden girl! Nick was shy, self reserved.., everything, yet I adored him. He couldn't be related to such proactive confidence like Daisy. I decided to probe a bit more.

"I've met Daisy before, at a party, I think. She was the most noticeable, and was immediately smitten with an officer. Of course, he was naturally infatuated with her. Are they married?"

"I think I know what you're talking about. I've seen the same officer too, with Daisy, in her car. But sadly, they aren't married. The war came, but he never came back. Daisy's heart was stolen by Tom Buchanan, and they married, madly in love. He was never faithful though. You could think that they had always been together, but only I know that on her wedding night, she was still waiting for her officer." She sighed, and looked wistful.

"Pay Daisy my dearest consolations," I hesitated, and continued, "do you know anything about Nick? Excuse me miss Baker, that was a shallow question. After all, you are in a relationship?"

"I don't know as much about him as I would like to. I just know that I have a penchant for him, and if I could, I would walk up and kiss him hard." She seemed to notice me, and quickly nodded. Then, she slipped away out of my sight, but not out of my mind. Nick's lips were turning especially tantalizing...

I scolded myself for unladylike behavior, and decided to find Nick. But first, I wiped him from my heart, and cleared every memory of him. I could start fresh. And soon, I would accompany him to every party. We could never be the most loved couple, but we would have each other.

"I had to quickly organize my things a bit." I said something vague to avoid further embarrassment.

"It's alright, Anna! Every second's filled with excitement!"

Just then, fireworks burst out from the sky again, as the orchestra burst out into a climax and the room trembled from music. The fireworks lit up the night with their sparks that outshone the stars. That signified that half the party was over already. Suddenly, I felt something cold on my cheek. A tear. I was crying. The tears came, quick and chilling, as I just looked down.

"Is everything alright, Anna?" Nick saw me, and worriedly asked.

"It's just that... I know this may sound silly, but I don't want to go home."

Not a word was drawn from him. Instead, he placed a finger on my tear, and gently wiped it from my cheek, slowly. Unaware of my movements and unable to control my urge, I took his wrist and put his entire palm onto my cheek. He didn't draw back. On the contrary, he let it stay their, feeling the curves of my face and my chin. At last, we broke apart. We stood up, and started roving the starlit corridors, perhaps to find a piece of the sky. It seemed so easy there, when we were all alone, to pour out my feelings in one hurried but heartfelt dialogue, then to abandon all sense and drop my defenses. But I had to stay rational.

Here I was, fantasizing about someone I just met at a party who's already taken. Theoretically, it was still possible for me to marry richly and live in a lifestyle of splendor. Two inheritances pooled together could provide with nothing else to ask for. From what I had heard about Mr. Carraway, he was probably dirt poor, and falling in love with him wouldn't be practical. I didn't know his business, we had no mutual connections, he had no ties with any powerful figures, the list went on and on.

Most importantly, five minutes were up.

"I have to leave now, Nick. I'll see you at the next party, I presume?" Sadness was hurting me so much, and I didn't know why. Perhaps it was because I wanted to erase Nick from my life. I didn't want to forget anything. I wanted to experience meeting him all over again. I didn't value the time I had, and now it was all gone. I wished I could relive those few moments. I would always remember the man who opened my eyes. There would be a space in my heart. I'd been so happy, forgetting about everything, but I had to return to reality. He said goodbye to me. I also said goodbye to him. Tears actually filled my eyes.

He didn't know that maybe he was saying goodbye to me for the last time.

"I hope we meet again, Anna." He let my heart flutter, but I forced down its wings. I stood at the stairs, watching him ascend. Maybe there was still a way for us. Then, the tables turned, and what was right seemed wrong and what was wrong seemed write. I think that was what killed him. That moment.