Our Heart - The Greatest Showman {Book 2 of "One Heart"}

Chapter 2

Lizzy's Pov 

I made my way to the bar at around 5:00, walking into the town. There was a chance that I would be a bit late but this might mean I could slip in without anybody noticing, talk to W.D really quick and then leave again. Look, I understand that they are worried about me but they don't actually know what is going on and I intend to keep it that way, for as long as I possibly can. 

The weather was particularly warm, which allowed me to wear my brown overall dress with the white button up shirt underneath...Phillip's shirt. 

Not that anyone other than Phillip knew that this was his shirt. But it was the only thing of his I could bring myself to actually hold as it seemed more mine than his. Everything else I had moved into my old bedroom in the house and I moved myself down stairs into the spare room. Which meant I didn't even have to go upstairs anymore, which was good I think. 

The sun had only just begun to set as I arrived in town and the town lights were slowly flickering up. People where everywhere, going to the theatre. Leaving the theatre. Going out, heading in. Moving in different tides yet here I was in the middle of it all unnoticed. It was how I felt most days now, that I am completely alone. Drowning is the word I use to describe it to myself. I'm drowning and there is nobody there to save me, not anymore. 

I moved along the foot path, a thin scarf over the top of my head covering my eyes so as I don't get stopped on the street. It could be by anybody really. Someone who has seen the show, a friend of the Carlyle's. All wanting to know the answer to the infamous question. 

Are you okay?  How are you? 

Okay that's two questions but nevertheless. 

Even if it is just a polite meaningless words or phrases. They all had there affect. Everyone wants me to tell them that I am fine, I am good. Alright. But the things is I'm not. I have never felt more alone  when I surrounded by people then I do right now. 

I slowly made my way into the bar, people already filling the room. I just stood towards the back in a corner,  away from people but close enough so W.D could see me while he stood at the front of the room. He caught my eye and gave me a small, subtle, smile so as everyone wouldn't look my way and start asking me questions. He understood. I'm pretty sure he was the only one who understood, that I just need space. I mean, I love Anne and Barnum but they gave me a month after I stop searching to grieve and then expected me to be back to normal. 

I don't even remember what normal is anymore. 

W.D cleared his throat, causing the room to fall silence. "Thank you all for coming tonight, I would like to share this special evening with all of you. " Everyone looked around at each other, slightly confused. W.D continued, extending his hand out to someone in the crowd - a girl with red hair and a short sleeved dress which showed her birthmarks. "Everyone, this is Ailsa, my fiancée." 

There were cheers all around the room as everyone walked up to congratulate the new couple. My initial thought was when did that happen but then I remembered our time at Countless Adele's manor. And they hadn't stopped sending letters to each other since then, so it made sense. I waited back for everyone to pass, waiting for all of them to start there drinks and own conversations. I quietly made my way up toward W.D and Ailsa and congratulated them on their engagement. 

"It's good to see you here Lizzy." W.D whispered. I gave a small nod back to him, which caused my scarf to drift off my head slightly. I jolted to pull in back up but I could see Charity Barnum in the background, give small glances in my direction. 

"I'm sorry about Phillip." Ailsa said kindly as a plate of food was offered, making my nauseous instantly.   I excused myself afterwards, wishing the pair a good evening before slowly rushing out of the room. I managed to get around to the side of the Bar, away from sight, before throwing up whatever was in my stomach. 

Footsteps where behind me and I felt someone pick up my hair, and stroke my back. "It's okay." Charity said as I threw up onto the ground in front of me. She handed me a napkin to dry my mouth as I stood up, too quickly though as I felt a wave of dizziness. Charity gave me a knowing look and I knew she figured it out as soon as she saw me inside. I'd done my best to hide everything: the tiredness, the nausea, the suddendistaste for foods. 

"You're pregnant". She half stated, half questioned. "That's why you've hide and that's why you left the circus." Charity said, connecting all the dots together. 

The moment she said the truth, I broke down. Tears and sobs just erupted as she pulled me into her arms. Everything which I had been trying to hide for the last three months just broke. I broke. My guard and everything just broke. Charity reassured me, telling me that everything was going to be okay and that she would help me out. 

"I'm going to take you home okay? Just let me go grab my coat." She told me as she ducked off inside, leaving me alone once more. 

Well, I guess not fully alone anymore.