Hollywood Hills

Chapter Eight

"You eat an awful lot for somebody who claims to be watching her weight."

"I usually eat like a bird. So, when I cheat, I cheat," said Kate. The burger and fries had hit the spot. Maybe it was the Midwesterner in her, but the grease was bewitching. They just eat different here, she thought.

As if reading her mind, Eli spoke. "There has to be something about the California psyche that makes them put sliced avocados on everything."

"I thought you liked everything?"

"I do," he said, pausing only long enough to ransack an onion ring from the bag, "but there's something about the texture. When it's mushed into guac, it's fantastic. But ... slices on burgers?"

She gave each finger a dainty lick, in order, carefully inspecting each afterward. It had been a wonder they'd found anyplace open serving something other than breakfast.

"There are some things you just don't question."

The two friends were about an hour into their drive to San Luis Obispo, and they travelled through an impeccable morning. After eating, Kate stretched out her legs to their full length, luxuriating in the drive and the three spare inches between her feet and the front of the floorboard. There was still no sign of the agent who was supposed to be marketing the acreage in Lompoc. Apparently, the previous realtor had died or gone out of business, and records were in disarray. No one knew anything.

It was then she remembered the odious tidbit she'd wanted to share with Eli. "You remember Harry Kimball, don't you?" she asked in her sweetest voice.

He seemed to reflect a moment. "Teacher or student?"

"Nooo ... that dickhead I told you about last week, the one who tried to get me into a porno." She realized she'd sounded a tiny bit exasperated, but didn't think it worth an apology.

"You never mentioned his name. He didn't call back, did he?"

"Oh, no. Better." On hasty reflection, she moderated her tone, from jubilant to ... well, not quite so jubilant. "He had a gardening accident. Something blew up in his face."

"No, shit?" he said, a few morbid chuckles audible when he did. "Bad?"

"Very. A mutual acquaintance said they weren't able to save either eye." Kate struggled not to laugh but couldn't control her gaping smile. Then something hit her, and she nearly froze.

"I guess he won't be watching anymore porn, will he?" Eli continued.

She scrutinized his face. There was a mild amusement there, but nothing truly malevolent ... which was why her own words came as such a shock to her. "You didn't have anything to do with that, did you?"

He laughed, looked over and back, and laughed again. He glanced over a second time, a budding look of astonishment on his face. "You're joking? ... I didn't even know who the guy was," and then more deliberately, "I've been in Salt Lake the last three days."

She wanted to strangle herself, but it was too late to pass her words off as a joke.

"I ... I ... ohhh ... Eli. I'm sorry. I don't know what the hell is up with me," she managed to sputter out. "I've been really crazy the last few months."

His only response was a forgiving smile.

"Just drop me at the nearest loony bin," she continued.

"That won't be necessary," was his soothing reply. "I know how hard it is to pull yourself up after something awful. You'll work everything out."

"And un-crazy-fy myself?"

"Let's not go overboard."

It was frightening how easily the crazy-woman laugh she spent the next twenty miles practicing came to her, but it was a source of great amusement as she tried it out on pedestrians, onlookers, and the occasional farmyard animal as they sped past. All the while Eli hooted, laughed, and encouraged and critiqued her efforts.

Several additional calls attempting to ferret-out Kate's estate agent resulted in additional peals of crazy laughter but little more. She wasn't terribly annoyed.

"We could still stop and see the place if you want," he ventured after her final call.

"No, I've never actually been there, and it's out in the boonies ... or so Otto said." The land was an investment her late husband had made years before and was one of only two items left to her of any significant value. "I get the feeling it's just some scrub land. Otto bought it for a fortune during the real estate boom and tried for years to get rid of it. He gave up after that last deal fell through ... I dunno, a year or more ago. It'd be nice to have a look at it before I try to unload it."

"It wouldn't be any trouble to stop by the records office," he suggested. "They could point us right to it. Come to think, that information might even be online."

"I want to see this garden you designed," she said lazily. "I can always come up another time after I get hold of this Munson guy."