heartless [Levi x Reader]

Guilt

"Are you sure? Alcohol in his tea?" You repeat with disgust lacing your tone. "That's... really gross."

"You don't understand what I'm telling you."

"No, no, I do." You tell the captain, "I just don't care."

"How can you not care?" They accuse, "you can be such a good person sometimes, except towards Corporal Levi. Have you ever thought for one moment that that may be why he resents you so much?"

You snort, "You don't know what you're even talking about. I'm done with this conversation."

"You know, your sister loved him very much, and never got to tell him. She was so sweet, and considerate."

You outwardly cringe and flash a glare at the captain. But they ignore your look, and take their leave after saying, "I don't know why I thought you would be something like her."

Being 'sweet' and 'considerate' is what got her killed. A dark voice in your head tells you, she was soft. She was never capable of being a real soldier. Your hardness is what will keep you alive.
It made sense.
Didn't it?

You knock on Erwin's door.
"State your name and business."

"It's me," you mumble, "And I have... stuff."

"Come in." You could hear him sigh from the other side of the door.

You walk in, careful not to make eye contact to avoid conversation. You waste no time in handing him a stupid report from the last, most recent expedition, then leave as quickly as possible. Talking with him always made you feel so tense, and like you were a cadet again.

"Wait, (L/n)."

"No time!" You say, shutting the door, turning around and bumping right into— god freaking dam—

"Watch where you're going." Levi hisses.

"Me?" You roll your eyes, "Same goes to you."

"And watch your tone, brat." He tries to move past you to get to Erwin's door.

"Watch your mouth, you filthy idiot." You bump shoulders with him as you move past him. But he was quick to grab the sleeve of your jacket before you could proceed to get any further. He pulls you in front of him, face centimeters from yours as he glares death right into your eyes.

"The only filthy thing here is you," He murmurs, "But of course, you can't even watch where you're walking, so how could I expect you to see that?"

"Tch, it's not my fault you're so short. How do you expect me to see a little dust bunny like you?"

"With your eyes, maybe." He scoffs, "Try using them now and then. You might've saved your stupid sister if you had."

Oh no.
Not today.

You snatch the stack of papers right out of Levi's hands and smack the side of his face with it. Papers scattered and flew everywhere. You then brought you leg up and kicked him in the chest, away from you. His back hit the wall, and he raised a hand up to his cheek where he'd been hit.
Levi looks up, teeth grit, another hurtful phrase on the tip of his tongue, but you were gone.

You had marched right outside, trying to find some place to just get away. So you headed towards the stables, tears flowing down your cheeks as you made your way towards the horses. You couldn't control your breathing, your hands were shaking and clenched into fists. You couldn't control yourself.
A horse whinnied as you came up to it, and you quickly open up the stable, but close it behind you before the horse could get out. You shushed it, and yourself kind of, as you sank to the ground beside it, knees up to your chest. You just needed to hide and cry. Get it all out.

God, (Sister name), I'm so glad you didn't confess to him. You think to yourself as you sob, there's no way he could have loved you. Or anyone, for that matter. He's so rude. He's a dick. A jerk. An A-hole. He deserves to die. He should have died in your place. In his squad's place. "Humanity's Strongest" my arse. I could out-do him in anything if I really had the motivation for it. He's just lucky, that's all. It's only luck. I could kick his ass.
Why did you leave me?
With him?

You cry, not so silently, but quiet enough. You hug your shins tightly to yourself, trying to remember— and trying really hard— to remember the last time you were ever even happy.
When you were a child, perhaps.
When mom quit the Survey Corps to be a stay-at-home mother. For you and your sister.
The last time Dad came home. Yeah— yeah, that day. That was a good day. He had taken you and your sis for a ride on his horse. Mom watched from the house, doing laundry. She was smiling.
Dad left the next day, though.
He didn't come back.
He never came back.
Then mom got sick...

You shake your head. Remember that day.
Remember that day.
Remember that day.

The horse in front of you softly whinnied again, pressing its muzzle to your forehead. You jump at the sudden touch that tickled your skin, and you let out a shaky sigh. You reach up and brush your hand over its nose.
"I hate Levi." You mumble to the creature. It snorted, moving its head away. Guess it didn't want to hear your rant.
You'd talk anyways.

"It isn't my fault, is it?" Your voice cracked. "She was just doing her job."

You remember as she stood up on her horse, a look of determination in her eye as she did. But you panicked.

"(Sister name), wait!"

"No time!" She told you. "We have to protect Eren!"

And that was the mission, wasn't it? That's the whole reason you two came out there? To keep Eren safe. And you failed.

She had taken to the air, propelling herself through the sky with her ODMG to reach the female titan. And that was it.

You stopped your horse as soon as it happened. It was too late to help her. And in those few seconds that you had halted, it was too late to get back up to speed and chase after Eren, too.

"I trust you guys!" You'd suddenly heard a male voice shout out ahead, somewhere distant now. It sounded like that Titan-shifter. Had it been Jeager?

Had it been Eren Jeager?

Did that kid see what happened?

The thought made something boil within you. She died. For him. So, it wasn't your fault.
But it wasn't his either.
She died upon her own choice.

You sniff and hide your face in your knees.
Then why did you feel so guilty?