Just one day

Chapter 2 - Promises are meant to be broken

Chapter 2 - Promises are meant to be broken

I met Mark at work, in my first job out of college. We were both trainees in the sales department of an insurance company. He had the looks and personality for it, I did not.

He had this bright and infectious smile that pulls at you and makes you want to smile back for no reason. His tall and straight frame commands attention even in a crowd.

But what got my attention the most was his steady gaze, it's like an abyss that captures you and holds you hostage if you dont look where you're going.

That morning, he was like an Energizer bunny, greeting everyone who passed by, introducing himself to anybody who would listen, offering a hand to employees and trainees alike.

I, on the other hand, just sat awkwardly on my seat, wondering when the trainor will come in and put me out of my misery. At least if there's a formal lecture going on, I wouldnt be forced to make small talk with people I barely know.

My discomfort at being in a room full of strangers must have been oozing out of my pores because all the other trainees kept their distance. They probably did not want to catch my shy-sickness.

But Mark was different. Like I said, he was cut out for a sales job.

"Hi! I'm Mark!", he introduced himself as he took the vacant seat beside me. "I'm a trainee too, obviously. Do you know how long the training would take? Im not really a classroom learning type of person."

"Hi, Im Amanda - just call me Mandy. Im not sure about the training, about a week maybe?"

That's how our conversation started.

Later, as our relationship grew closer, I once asked him why he chose to talk to me that day.

He said because I looked like I was lost and needed a friend, and there was something vulnerable in me that called to him.

"It made me want to protect you," he said then.

"And I promise to be beside you and keep on protecting you, for as long as you let me."

I guess he didn't know then that four years later, the one I would need protection from the most... Was him.

-----

Despite several urging from my friends, I chose not to confront him that night and asked him to meet up the next day instead.

Up to the last minute when I was about to join him at our favorite restaurant, I was not sure what I wanted to say or what I wanted to happen. I just knew that I wanted him to know that I knew.

As soon as I approached the table, he greeted me with that familiar smile and gaze that never fails to make my heart tingle, despite having been at the receiving end of it hundreds of times before.

He really was a charmer, I guess I should have seen this coming - women were always throwing themselves at him, it was only a question of when he will eventually give in. Who knows, last night may not have been the first time he did.

He stood up and kissed me on the cheek as I sat down across from him.

"I thought you wanted to avoid the Valentine's traffic," he said with a smile. "It's not yet over, you know. I had to come in an hour early to get this table."

I felt a pinch in my heart. I finally know what I wanted to do.

"Mark," I started, a sad smile spreading slowly on my face, "Lisa saw you last night."

I watched as his face froze and shock replaced his earlier welcome. To his credit, he didnt try to cover up with a lie or justify his behavior.

"I'm sorry," was all he said, while looking down at the table.

"Why? Why did you do it? How long has it been?"

Despite my earlier resolve, I couldn't help but ask him. Despite knowing it would hurt, I wanted to know.

"I dont know why. There's no excuse, Im not even going to defend myself. It's my fault, Im sorry."

"I thought we were it. I thought we were on the same page, we had planned our future together. We're almost getting there, so why?"

I try to hold back my tears. I dont want to be the clingy ex girlfriend who couldnt let go, but I wanted answers.

"I thought so too... At first. But lately, I dont know, I guess realized I wanted something else. I just got carried away by your passion but those are your dreams, your plans. They're not mine. And I guess I started wanting to be with someone who knew how to just have fun, to relax, to go through their day without any agenda in mind. I mean, we're too young to have our lives already mapped out! We're not even thirty!"

Ouch. That one really hurt.

So all the dreams that I thought we were building together, I was the only one who wanted them. All our plans, our future, I was the only one looking forward to them.

I couldn't say anything after that.

"Look, Mandy, I never meant for this to happen. I never wanted to hurt you. But in a way, I guess I should be grateful you found out, we would be having this conversation sooner or later anyway. I just wish it did not have to be this way".

"So you were just playing all along? You were just there for the ride?", I couldnt stop the bitterness from seeping through. We've wasted four god damn years together, for crying out loud!

"No! No, of course that's not what Im saying. I really did love you. I really did want a future with you. It's just that... It's not what I want anymore. Im sorry..."

I guess I should blame all those fairy tales I had read while growing up, making me believe in forever and a happy ever after.

There was no such thing.

Everyone had their own selfish reasons and you had to figure your way on your own. No prince charming to wake you up from a dreamless sleep or break you away from your prison tower.

And now, at almost 30, I finally broke free from the spells that bound me.