tw//suicide
Long lost vhs tapes found in the time capsule that we as kids back in the summer of '95 buried under that cherry tree that stood old and withering away right next to the park with that red chair where i parkoured over and the sand pit where you built your castles in
The time capsule hid your favourite blue handkerchief you said your mum made for you weaved a red cap on it, she tucked it in your shirt pocket right before that ash moth with a skull sat on the wall over her head and you didn't wave her goodbye
You didn't wave her goodbye for even back then your 7 year old self was too righteous to compel
"she'll be alive in my head" is all you'd say (and your scrap books too)
A boy in blue you were too pretty to cry
A girl in green i was too little to comprehend your imaginary friends over the years grew so fast in your head
Age 20 and you still spoke to them
Age 20 and i sat in front of the tv replaying the vhs tapes hearing the tv crackle watching you over my shoulder watching your bent back on me watching you speak to yourself knees pulled in and as you laughed in the tv you sobbed in front of me
A boy in orange you killed your imaginary friends said you made peace within
A girl in scarlet i believed every word you said
Age 25 you lay in your bathtub a boy in red
Age 25 i sit on your carpet the vhs tape now stuck refusing to play refusing to shift the screen from your face your face a childish grandeur of feverish juvenile typicality but glowed with wisdom too blasphemous for a boy of 6 to hold
Age 30 the vhs still pauses on your face refuses to shift the screen so i take the vhs out again and i play again waiting for it to pause again to hear your laugh again so i keep you alive on my tv screen like i keep you alive in my flesh too abhorrent to touch that now confined knife i wiped with the same red cap woven hand kerchief thats no longer blue
