three is the perfect number || jaenoren (norenmin)

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"Ah, Jeno, I don't have a clue what I should do. It's not like he would ever, ever like me back — that's ridiculous, right? He's probably not even — hello?"

Lee Jeno and Huang Renjun were seated as per usual at Timeless Cafe; Jeno with his back facing the door, Renjun seated opposite him, on the softer seat. The table lined the window, so the two could look out upon the passing sun, rain, and people, and in return all could look back in and see Renjun and his once steaming cappuccino, though he hadn't taken a single sip of it since it had been placed there by the waitress, and Jeno, with his hair in a stupid mess and his glasses basically sliding off his face. 

Jeno had never understood how Renjun, or anyone, drank coffee of such strength. It was too bitter,  and no amount of sugar could fix that. Jeno had once taken a sip of it, on Renjun's insistence,  and of course, he had agreed. In the end, he had had to rinse his mouth of the damned flavour, while Renjun laughed hysterically in the background ("It can't be that bad, Jeno — Oh my god, are you putting soap in your mouth?"). So Jeno stirred his straw idly around his iced caramel macchiato, staring at Renjun. No, not listening. Just watching.

"W — what? Sorry, I blanked out. What were you saying?" Jeno pushed his glasses up his nose randomly, and Renjun rolled his eyes. "Come on, again? You have the attention span of an actual teaspoon." Yes, again, thought Jeno. Too busy staring at your lips to actually hear you.

"What I was saying," said Renjun, finally picking up his coffee and taking a small sip, before putting it down immediately, disgusted at the cold disappointment that was all that was left of the once steaming cup. "— was that Jaemin will probably never ever like me back, and it's kind of making me so upset. I don't know how I'm ever gonna get over a crush like this. I might — I might even end up liking him for the rest of my sad life. No matter who I date, or marry, I'll always like Jaemin a bit more. That kind of feeling. What should I do, Jeno? Feelings make we want to cry," Renjun frowned, obviously feeling shitty.

Jeno realised that he was definitely getting better at hiding his feelings. He was an expert now at ignoring the twinges in his chest and the sick feeling boiling in the pit of his stomach while his mouth poured reassurances and comforting words to his best friend. It was his job and his calling, after all. Back when this had started, this Jaemin business, he'd have to leave the room every once in a while to deal with his feelings. 

"Come on, he can't blind for too long." 

"You're worth it, Jun, don't doubt yourself." 

"No, Jun. Of course he would want to date you. Anyone would, you're a great person." 

"If he doesn't like you back for some reason, you are gonna find someone else, I swear."

Renjun always said he found comfort in Jeno's words, which at least let Jeno know he was helping somehow. His best friend had been hopelessly in love with Na Jaemin ever since he first laid eyes on him, but he was just a bit too "popular" and "an unrealistic goal", and "absolutely perfect in every single minuscule way". Renjun claimed he could write songs about him and his perfection — how unbelievably pretty his eyes were, how gorgeous he looked whenever he smiled, how his lips actually pouted sometimes when he spoke, how amazing he looked whenever he was playing basketball, what an lovely person he was in general.

And Jeno wished Renjun knew someone else felt the same way for him. Not for Jeno himself, but because sometimes Jeno could just see Renjun's self-esteem sink a little. 

Jeno, just for you, Renjun, could rant for the rest of his life about how cute his best friend was, how attractive he could look when he was serious, how much his grey beret suited him, how he could give the most amazing, somehow philosophical advice, how adorable he looked curled up in a ball when he was asleep, how he pressed his lips together and squinted at the computer in front of him whenever he was struck with writer's block, how adorable he looked whenever his fringe was bothering him and he had to keep blowing at it, frowning whenever he was frustrated. Jeno loved everything about him. And dear God, what an issue. 

Jeno could also cry every night about how he was stuck where he was, being the side-kick, the pitiful best friend of someone so perfect, so talented, someone who would never see him from a perspective other than friend. He was someone who would never receive the affection he was giving. Someone who would never have requited feelings, because the person they love loved someone else with all their heart. It sounded like some drama, some fucking rom-com that people wouls igh at. It wasn't. It was his life. 

Jeno had cried all night about all that once. Maybe more than once. Na Jaemin wasn't his favourite person.

But Renjun didn't need to know that. Renjun just knew that he had the best person ever, always at his side, always there for him, always there to pick him up when he fell. Someone who had his back, no matter what came barrelling into their lives. 

Don't ever let some guy, some girl ruin us, alright? 

Alright. Jeno wouldn't let Jaemin ruin them; He'd be happy as long as Renjun was happy. It was what being a best friend was all about. 

Wishful thinking. Renjun will always be at least a little happier than you, you self sacrificing shit.  

Oh well, thought Jeno, mentally patting his own back as he actually patted Renjun's, who had buried his head in his arms, face down on the table. I can't be all that unlovable if Renjun actually wants me around. Maybe I'll find someone else.

Some lie that had to be if he could believe and deny it over and over again. But Jeno was just so sure no one else could make him so happy to be in their presence, to be so honoured to be close to them, and so hurt not to be close enough. No one could trigger his feels and make his most secret tendencies overt as Renjun could. Was it even possible to be able to love someone so much, again? What Jeno felt for Renjun seemed impossible to recreate. It was a great, creeping, beautiful love. Scary to break or try to quash. 

So he took the safe route, didn't he? Avoided any possibility of rejection by being his best friend, the most reliable companion he could have. But subjected himself to endless heartbreak and suffering by doing so. 

Renjun looked up and smiled sadly at his best friend, finally sobered after Jeno had talked to him. Jeno wondered if he would ever tell him; whether he would ever know. What if he just said it, what if Renjun would give him the chance he so desperately wanted? 

"I love you, you know? Thanks."

And Jeno was reminded he was so far deep in the friend zone he would need a nuclear bomb to blast himself out. 

***