Previously....
As I sat there in the dark, as gently as humanly possible touching Chase's sharply painful wound, I was thinking about something else.
But that none of that crossed my mind. What crossed my mind was my leg. Specifically my right leg, the one that was closer to Chase's body and further away from my own. The one I felt his hand on, and had the whole time. But suddenly I thought I felt his hand stroking my leg. But I wasn't sure. It was so subtle, so gentle and small I wasn't even sure I wasn't hallucinating.
The thing with me is.. I'd never had a boyfriend in my life. I'd never even had a serious crush. No guy's ever had a crush on me. But I had a lot of guy friends. Guys like me, but not like that. I'm close with so many of my guy friends and I've comforted them all the same before too. And none of them made a move on me. Not even the less attractive ones like I am. Nobody. Until now. And I was so so confused.
I was focused on our hands until I wasn't. Until I felt his other hand come up from his side and gently touch my cheek. Automatically, without having the chance to think about it, I curled my head into his neck. I felt his hand gently but abruptly pull my head up.
And then he kissed me.
I felt his hand gently and carefully push into my pajama shorts. I can't remember if he made to make sure I was okay with it, but from what I do remember, he must've. He wouldn't have not.
He released me and we both crawled over to the other end of the bed where the pillows were. We laid down next to Emma and Cameron.
"It's okay. I used to be a virgin. I never even kissed a boy until now" I laughed.
"Oh my god, seriously?! Agh, I'm so sorry. I ruined that for you" he said.
He just held me tighter for a minute and we talked for only a few more minutes until he woke Holly up. I told him I'd deal with Cameron and Emma before they left.
So I woke up Cameron. He was confused, but because I was the one who'd been shutting him out, he was more than willing to listen to me. I told him what happened with chase and through that we made amends. He confirmed that yeah, Emma did like Chase and still does. We collectively agreed it would be a horrible idea to tell her about what happened with us that night. It was our new secret.
Well, at least we thought it was.
_______________________
I wasn't in love with Chase Evans. In fact, I didn't even like Chase Evans. It was all in the heat of the moment. I was trying to help and clearly he needed a lifeline, even if it was a physical one for a moment. And while that wasn't exactly how I planned on having my first kiss or my first sexual experience, it didn't matter. He needed me more than I needed my innocence. At least in that moment. And I was okay with what happened. But that didn't mean I felt that way about Chase. Thugs would go back to normal the next day, it would be like it never happened.
Cameron woke Emma after we collectively agreed to never tell Emma what happened that night, and the two of them made their way home.
It wasn't 3:30 in the morning yet. I grabbed my phone and opened twitter. I started to tweet about what happened, unsure of whether I'd delete it the next morning, knowing Emma wouldn't have a clue what it meant.
I'll copy word for word what I wrote. I've memorized it to the last word.
Jaclyn Corin, via private twitter acc:
"rip to my blissful childhood ignorance who passed at 15 young years of age.
i know why i've stayed innocent for so long. and i'm lucky. unlike so many girls in this world, this experience was beautiful for me. it wasn't romantic, based on true love or lust, but it was real. in a way i can't explain, it wasn't empty and meaningless. at least not to me.
