The 28th of June was nothing short of expected. It was as if that night had never happened. It felt to me like Chase was trying to throw me a bone to shut me up for awhile. Like making yet another empty apology and then unintentionally falling asleep with me was supposed to satisfy me for long enough for him to find another way to keep me quiet.
In other words, nothing changed. And Chase seemed to think so too.
It could've been miscommunication. Again. Like we hadn't learned that lesson from the last time.
He was mad at me, and I was mad at him. And in complete honesty, I don't even think either of us really understood why.
So the one and only obvious solution to that problem was to avoid each other.
In the meantime, it was much earlier that I had come to the conclusion that there was someone to blame for the sequence of events that had taken place between the time I felt Chase's fingers stroking my leg on the night of June 16th and the moment I found myself rollerblading with Abby, Sofie and Jensen on the night of June 28th.
Jensen Clark.
Maybe not solely, but a solid 50% of the guilt had her name written all over it in light up letters over the highway in my mind. Between her and Cameron, the two shared a solid 80% of the blame. Everyone else relatively involved shared the other 30% among themselves.
This was my theory.
And you may be wondering how Chase and my relationship issues were more about my friends than they were about either Chase or myself.
Oh, I'll tell ya.
That very day I sat on the chair of the first swimming pool, holding Chase's hand in mine, him and Emily sitting beside each other, all discussing how the fuck we were gonna get Emma out of this picture.
That very day I became vulnerable.
That very day began to reek havoc on our lives and we didn't even know it until much later, until it was too late. The second the switch flipped from Emma to me, it was over.
And nobody would shut up about it.
I sat there earlier that day, June 28th, thinking how the hell did this happen? I couldn't pinpoint where I went wrong. That was, until I realized that I never went wrong. In fact, neither has Chase. Everyone else had. Several times.
Every twitter fight. I've been telling y'all all about these twitter fights in which I said absolutely nothing in. Chase hardly said more than I did. I had people speaking for me. I never once thought to speak for myself. And i still hadn't. On June 28th, I hadn't put that much together yet. But what I had put together was the fact that none of this was my fault. The reason Chase stopped obsessing over me and started running from me instead had nothing to do with me. It was Jensen. And Cameron. And Emma. And everyone else who told every person we knew how I felt and what I wanted to be done about it.
Jensen and Cameron were the big talkers. While Cameron was all overprotective and whatnot, Jensen was attempting to be the voice of reason and tell everyone what this was without sounding biased.
Delaney, Emma, Emily, Sofie and whoever the fuck else stayed out of it for the most part. They did fight for me too. They spoke for me too. But combined, they hadn't said half as much as Cameron and Jensen alone.
If only those guys ever had said anything, none of this would've been the way it was.
Cameron defended the living shit out of me as if Chase had physically knifed me in the heart. He proclaimed how much he loved me and how I didn't deserve all this bullshit. How it wasn't my fault. Whereas Jensen was the one telling everyone how I felt. She told the world how desperate I was, how I didn't plan for things to workout they way they had, how I loved Chase for him and wanted nothing more than to be consumed with every part of him.
