Miracles

Chapter 12: Truths

Sakura's POV

          I open my eyes to see Kakashi sitting against a tree only a few inches away from me. I must've fallen asleep next to him. My body wrapped in what I think is Kakashi's sleeping bag. I inhale deeply, breathing in the aroma of the sleeping bag. My nose tells me the scent is of vanilla. 

I look up to where Kakashi is sitting. He's looking up to the night sky filled with shining stars and seems to be thinking of something. 

"Kakashi-sama..," I call out to him softly.

His eyes meet mine as he looks toward me. He gives me a smile from under his deep blue mask that covers more than half of his gorgeous face. 

"Sorry if I woke you," he says to me quietly, not wanting to wake Naruto and Sasuke. "I was just doing some thinking."

I sit up and rub my eyes. 

"You should be sleeping, especially with those injuries of yours," I tell him as I walk over to sit beside him. I put my legs out in front of me and motion for him to lay on them. He slowly moves to lay his head on my thigh. His arms bend and rest on his stomach. He's still looking up into the sky, thinking. He looks truly peaceful, different than the tense, strict Kakashi I know. 

As I bring my hands to his hair, I ask him, "What were you thinking about?"

"It's nothing," he tries to tell me.

"Ah ah ah, I didn't wake up in the middle of the night to hear you tell me you weren't thinking of anything," I say.

He turns his head to look me in the eyes and smiles. 

"I can't hide anything from you, can I?" he asks.

I bring my hand to his cheek and tell him, "Nope, I know you too well."

He turns his head back to look into the night sky and continues, "This stays between us, agreed?"

I nod my head in agreement and and move my hands to continue stroking his hair. 

"Sometimes I just feel really lonely," he tells me. "I can be surrounded by all my friends, but somehow, still feel lonely. I never reach out to anyone and mention anything to anyone in fear of being laughed at. I just never had enough trust in anyone to tell them anything. I always stay reserved and away from others, not wanting to get too close to anyone." 

He sighs and continues, "I've heard people even starting to call me Cold Kakashi. They all tell me I should open up more and that they're all there for me if I need them. But I guess I'm just scared of what they'll think of me when I really tell them what's going on. And as much as they try to assure me, they'll constantly support me, I just keep calling them liars in my head. I feel as if sometimes I just can't rely on anyone, sometimes not even myself."

He brings his hand up to his hair to grab mine. He holds my hand with both of his hands and brings it to his chest, hugging it. "Sakura, I grew up alone. My parents, they both died when I was young. They had been the only ones I truly loved and cared for. And when they disappeared, when they left me all alone, I just couldn't feel anything anymore. They left me numb and alone in my darkness with no way out. It was so hard. No one helped me. They all just stood away and whispered about me with their friends. And I guess that's why I can't seem to trust anyone anymore. I guess that's why I grew up the way I did."

I brings my hand to his mouth and kisses it gently before bringing it back to his chest. "You're the only one I've let venture this far into my life. I've shown you a lot more of me than I've ever shown anyone. And I don't know why, but you just didn't leave me. You stayed with me, not scared of what I was. Thank you for that Sakura, I truly owe you."

I'm unable to speak and so instead, I lean down and pull his mask down. I press my lips against his, assuring him that I'll always be here. I'll always be by his side. I'll be the one he can trust in. I'll be the one he can always come back to if his life comes crashing down. No matter what.

We kiss passionately, longing for each other's warmth and love. After our lips part, I press my forehead against him, leaning into him and we both gasp for breath. "I'll always be here Kakashi. I swear that on my very life," I tell him. 

We stare into each others eyes, mine an emerald green while his an onyx black. After some time, I lift my head from his. 

"Your turn," he whispers to me.

"Huh?" I ask confused.

"Care to explain to me that time?" he explains. Oh he's talking about the time when I was being all moody and decided to cry it out against a tree. I sigh, not wanting to tell him, but knowing I have to. There's no one else better to know than him.

"It all started when my little brother died. He-he.....he took his life.," I start. I look to Kakashi to see his reaction and his stern onyx eyes has turned into worried eyes. His fingers intertwine with mine and he holds my hand against his cheek as he urges me to continue.

"I was coming home from school that day and was going to yell at him for missing school. The principal had come up to me that day and asked why my brother wasn't at school. I slammed the house door open and yelled his name but I got no response. I stormed to his room and swung the door open," I continued as I felt tears falling from my face. Kakashi held my hand tighter, trying to remind me here was there for me. 

"When I saw him there, laying on his bed with a knife through his heart, I collapsed. He didn't even leave a fucking note," I said as I started bawling. "I blame myself to this very day. He often missed school and I always got mad at him. Not once, not fucking once did I ever ask him why. Turns out he just hadn't been able to. I cried so much that day. My family decided not to tell anyone. They thought it would be for the best.

I went to school the next day and put on a happy and sweet girl cover. I laughed and smiled with my friends during the day, but during the night I couldn't do anything. I had used to bite my nails, but got rid of the habit. My friends were happy for me since it had been a habit I had really been trying to get rid of. What they didn't know is that me getting rid of that habit was the destruction of myself. I would run my nails across my skin repeatedly and harshly, always drawing bits of blood but not too much that it would take the scars long to heal.

And at one point, I had almost joined my brother." Kakashi's eyes widened at the thought. "I hadn't written a letter just like my brother and wanted to die in his memory. I had pushed the knife into my skin so that blood was drawn but I ended up not doing it. My parents found me on the ground crying with my blood-soaked shirt. They got me a therapist which didn't work at all. But soon, I stopped. Been clean since then. I still have a few faint scars on my arms that may or may not heal, but most have disappeared. And so that was what I was thinking about," I finished as I looked up into the sky and saw a rising sun.