Not In That Way

n o w

Present day, 5 years later

Aries Johnson is kissing me. He is kissing me slowly and lightly. He is kissing me as if I am delicate but, I am not. He kisses me but, he should not.

Why is he kissing me? He has a girlfriend and I am a guy, a gay guy.

Why do I let him kiss me? This is my first time and I was yearning for a birds-chirping-everything-in-slow-motion-first-kiss not with someone who is an asshole to me and whose mouth tasted alcohol.

After 15 seconds, he stops. He looks at me. His eyes grows huge and then he opens his mouth as if to say something then closes it and then speaks;

"I am not gay. I... uhm... I was... experimenting." He stutters. He is defensive. I have not even ask him about that. I believe him. He is probably just confuse about his gender identity. Just kidding, I don't.

"It's okay." I say, then supply, "I have to go." I leave the room. Chelsea's house is full, people full. Party. I never go to parties. But Hayden has his ways of convincing me.

I maneuver my way out. Hayden has left me. He said he would not, but he did because he saw his crush, Ayla, who now is sucking other dude's face. Where is he? Has he seen this? Has he left? Or is he kissing other girls?

I think about the kiss. I touch my lips. It was my first. I should not have let it happen. But I did. I let myself get kissed by a douche who is probably in the closet. What a cliché.

I walk down the stairs. The front lawn is full of students. Grinding, drinking, practically having sex, dancing, singing, vandalizing, etc.

I do not know where to go. This is an unfamiliar block. I see Allison, the weird girl who no ones talks to except her friend Luna, who is out of sight. Allison is drinking something from a red cup, and she seems to be talking to it. Uh uh, too weird. I see Zac, he lives here. But he is busy with his boyfriend, you know what I mean. I see Rory, the cute guy in my Chemistry class, who probably do not know of existence, dancing with his friends. I look around. The rest of the people, are books I have not opened yet.

I stop at the gates. Glancing at my watch, it was already 11:30, way past my bedtime. I usually sleep at 8:30 but I just wanted to piss my father off who's probably gotten home by now from his important meetings with his business partners, who he has more time with than his only family, which is me.

"Weirdo's leaving already." I hear from Renmark, a senior who I did not even know that much. I turn to where the voice came from and see him with Daniel, Johny, Moose, and Atlas. They are in their varsity jackets, all looking tough and buff with their empty heads held high, except for /one/.

Johny and Moose are probably the only jocks that are kind. I don't know what makes of Atlas. He has just gotten silent all these years. But I was still longing for our friendship to resurface.

I look at Renmark stoically and then dismiss him by turning my heel back towards the gate.

"Party pooper... Booooooo." You see, everyone has minimized their bullying towards me. Maybe they had stopped since they never got a reaction from me. I would just sit there, at the canteen, eating with Hayden, and someone would pour juice at me. I would turn and avert my gaze towards the one who did it and then I would leave, direction towards the washroom. Hayden would ask me if I was okay and I would say I was. I would always say I was. Or maybe they stopped, since I am a member of an anti-bully organization at school.

Hayden is my friend. He is this student who always knows more than the teacher. He is funny, friendly, and in his own words, has a potential of becoming a pornstar. Whereas I was this average, plain guy who he decided to befriend one day.

We became friends when he saved me from Cedric. Cedric's pleasure was physically harassing students half his size.

I was in the middle of getting beat up which I did not even deserve because I just said his fatness was blocking the way. And Hayden, the superhero that he was, saw us and hurriedly went to the principal's office. Cedric was then expelled. He did a number on me, he deserved it.

After that, I became Hayden's sidekick. We monitored the bullying cases and with our help, the bullying lessened. Hayden became the president of the anti-bullying organization of our school.

I decide to sit on a bench under a lamppost outside Chelsea's house. I grab my phone from pocket and text Hayden, hoping he is on his phone right now. Many students are still coming inside while some are leaving.

I am probably the only student who do not drink alcohol at a party. Ironic how students are supposed to have fun and get drunk on parties, and here I am, 100% sober.

My phone's screen lights up notifying a new message.

/Unknown Number/

/be careful, someone is planning to beat u up.../

Who could this person be? I dial Hayden's number and he picks up.

"Hey! Where are you?" I ask him, surprisingly it is silence that I hear and not music.

"I'm... a... at a coffee shop." He answers me with his drunk voice.

"What?" I ask in disbelief. He really did leave. I add, "What coffee shop... and why are you in a coffee shop?" I ask him, still not believing how he could leave me alone, he knew I hated being left alone.

"I... I accompanied a girl... she was crying at the party... ugh... it's a long story, I'll tell you tomorrow. Are you okay?" He asks me with his worry-laced voice.

"You need to be here now... someone texted me... it said... someone was planning to beat me up... I don't know who it was that texted but I believe it." Who could hate me so much?

"Woah, what?" I hear a girl's voice and it sounds like they are talking.

"Just please hurry up." I plead.

"Okay okay, just don't be alone in a room, go to where there are people, okay? We'll be there in a minute." He says and I walk back hurriedly into the house.

I carelessly walk to the couch not caring about the people sitting and swapping tongues. Ugh, I was lucky Aries did not do it. I thought he was going to do more than kissing since he practically pulled me into the room. I was ready with my strikes and kicks though.

I spot Atlas by the television, talking to a girl. He was very good at choosing his girls, they were always very pretty, and skinny, and had large breasts.

They were casually laughing and I wonder how his laugh sounds right now, at this very moment, as he stands there, with his killer smile, that up to this day, has me dead on the floor.

All I knew is that 'R's' did not bother him anymore. Many things have changed around me and I have stayed the same. I feel so left out. Maybe glances of Atlas' life are all I deserve—these itsy-bitsy glances.

I look away as he leans closer to her. But I am a masochist so I glance back and that's when their lips meet and my heart is not pumping blood anymore.

I look away from them and stand. I walk to the table where the foods where, I grab some chips. I lean against the table and look back to where Atlas and the girl were but they are not there anymore. Wherever they went, I did not wanna know.

"Sagan!" I look to where the voice is coming from. Hayden is here. The new light of my life. I am lucky that I have someone to watch over me even though he fails sometimes. That is enough.

I walk out with him and the girl who has puffy eyes. Before entering Hayden's car, my eyes glance back to the house. I find Atlas approaching, his arm slings over the girls shoulder. He does not see me.

He never does.