Ramblings of a Paradox

Realization on my story

I've been hanging around Wattpad lately, reading all sorts of stories. In here, I found my solace, a world anyone can possibly imagine.

My mother, one time asked me if I would ever got bored from reading.

I remember I looked at her incredulously like she grew another head and disagreed.

It's a unique world here. I wouldn't give it up.

And so..

It made me remember the story I made years ago, back when I was just a new user in Wattpad. (I can't seem to remember where I even discover the website.)

How excited I felt back then, posting chapter every chapter, all sorts of imaginations flew in my head, as if waiting for me to materialize them in our reality.

But of course, it was the adrenaline speaking. I'd look at the reads and feel disheartened with how little it was. Barely making double digits. But because my mind won't stop hammering me from the ideas, I continued. I even let my friends review my work-heck, encouraged (more like forced) them to make an account just so they could vote and comment. (I can't help but feel amused on how persuasive I am back then.)

Then, the comments came in, even one comment made me feel like I was in a euphoric state.

My work has been recognized!

Still giddy, I would reply to every comment and engage with my fellow readers (of course, I also read my work I consider myself a fan of myself. Hahaha)

Then, 1k reads came in.. 2k.. 3k..

The reads went up gradually and that euphoric state I felt from one comment had decreased and I felt unsatisfied. Why aren't they commenting? Is it bland? Is something wrong? Because that time, I valued comments more than the votes so yeah. Humans are always greedy.

Because of my ego not feeling satisfied, the chapters came slow until I found excuses not to make them. I mean, I was getting lazy. After reading so many stories I realized how childish my writing was and my dissatisfaction continued growing.

So, I dropped it. Deleted. Even with the 20k reads (sush, for a 22 chapter story, a 20k reads is a lot for me back then)

Then my fans would ask when I was going to publish it back and I would promise I would take it back but never did I fulfill it. I was unsatisfied eh. I've revised the story so much I still can't feel the groove. So I didn't bring it up again. And, all sorts of the same genres and plots kept popping; ideas which I imagined got written by other writers which just made me give the story up. So yeah. I was an idiot for killing my baby.

Now, if I didn't delete it, and just pursued writing it, no matter how childish or cliche it had been for me, what would have happen?

Now, all sorts of ideas are still in my head; plots are scribbled down and I keep on misplacing them. *facepalm*