Hope Springs || Harry Styles

Smoke and Mirrors

I sit on the veranda at my cabin, with a glass of wine and the box. I assured Jackson that I'll be fine, and I need to do this alone. I listen to the waterfall, Heaven, as Harry so cunningly named it.  The rushing water can either calm my thoughts, or mirror them. Right now, it's doing the latter. I am strong enough. Do I really want to open this? I need something, some kind of sign. Fuck him and the white horse he rode in on. Don't waste another tear on him. He's a fucking coward. It's not what it looks like-

I drink three glasses of wine before I have the courage to open the box. I pull out the packing, and lift out a long, slender, florist box, the kind meant to keep flowers cold. I lift the lid, to find one single red rose, and on the florists card, in his signature script, two words:

FOR ALWAYS

In the bottom of the box, I find a bag from a dry cleaners in Georgia.  My hands tremble as I lay it out on the chaise to allow the zipper a smooth release.  I'm not surprised when the bag reveals the vintage lace dress I wore in Houston, the one that made me feel like Harry made me feel, the one that I wadded up and left in the hotel closet.  The one that, now, signifies the beginning of the end for me.  There's no note, no other indication of why he sent it.  He would have known, by where he found it, that I didn't want it. 

   Perhaps he was just being thoughtful, although I know that everything he does is done precisely, to achieve the maximum outcome he desires.  He was in Georgia when he sent the package, had he quit talking to me before then?  No, he didn't stop talking to me until Boston, where the photos were taken of him very publicly leaving the hotel with his ex.  Harry doesn't very publicly do anything, at least not without a desired outcome.

   I take the rose out of the box, closing my eyes and sniffing.  The scent takes me back, to a room overflowing with roses, and the two single roses laying on the table.  

"One for today, and one for tomorrow..."

   "And after that...?"

   For always.

~~~~~

   I hear the rumbling of the UN truck, and quickly gather the box, and it's perplexing missive, and lay them on the bed in my cabin. 

   Jackson is waiting on the veranda when I step out, his eyes searching mine to see if I've been crying.  "It's okay," I smile, "well, maybe not right now, but it will be."

   He hugs me tight, the first time he's initiated contact with me since I nearly broke his nose.  "You know I'd do anythin' for ya, Nat...right?"

   I hug him back, "I know...and you know I'd do anything for you, too."

   As we walk the path to my office, Jackson says, "Man, I'll be glad when we're back in business...this place should be loaded with people, like me, who come here to find themselves and end up findin' so much more." 

~~~~~

   I'm not a very good cook, but it's my night, and because I have some important news to tell Zoie and Jackson, I want this dinner to be special.  I Google 'shrimp tacos,' and gather all of the ingredients, while Zoie and Jackson play UNO.  Bryce is watching me, and I hand him the avocados to cut up.  We work together, in comfortable silence, and when I set the table by the fireplace, he smiles. 

  "If I'd known we were fine-dining tonight, I would have dressed up," Zoie laughs, but her eyes quiz mine. 

   "Actually, it's a special occasion...I have something to tell you-"

   Her eyes light up, and I facepalm at her next words.  "You finally talked to Harry-"

   I shoot a glance at Bryce, who's obviously eager to hear my answer, "No, Zoie...it has nothing to do with Harry...I'm leaving...not today, or tomorrow, but as soon as we get the all-clear."

   Zoie's face is a mask of confusion, "Where are you going, Nat?  What are you going to do?"

   I shrug, "I don't know, the only thing I do know is that I can't stay.  I'd love it if you come with, if you want to...or go to Mitch, or stay on here...whatever you want, Zo."

   Jackson looks at me with tears in his eyes, I squeeze his hand and smile, "Jackson, you have two choices, well, three, but I don't see you wanting to go back to the States...you're more than welcome to come with me too, and we'll figure it out together... or, I would really like for you to stay on as Chief Operating Officer.  I'll still be the Executive Director, from afar, you'd be running everything here.  I have complete faith in your ability, Jacks."  My eyes flick from him to Zoie, and back, "You don't have to decide tonight...think about it and let me know."

   "You're sure about this?" Zoie asks, giving me a hard look, and I know she has more questions than I have the answers for. 

   "I'm absolutely positive, Zo...I have to do this for me."  And it feels good, and exciting, the unknown.

   Bryce hasn't said a word during this whole conversation, his face is stoic until I ask him, "So, when can we start making deliveries again?"

   "Well, I think...I think it would be safe, we haven't seen any signs of activity...I'd just like to scope it out again tomorrow and see." He smiles, but he doesn't seem too sure.  "If you want to ride along, maybe you can get a feel for it?  I just hate for the decision to be mine alone..."

   "No...I mean, yeah, that would be great...but I want Zoie and Jackson to stay here..." Jackson starts to protest, and I shush him, "You can stay and keep an eye on things here, we won't be gone long."

~~~~~

   We spend the rest of the night playing cards, Zoie and I partner up against Jackson and Bryce in Spades.  It's not really fair to them, since Zoie and I were undefeated in uni, but they have no way of knowing that.  It helps to take my mind off of things, although he's never not in my thoughts.  I slip away, later, to sit on my veranda with a glass of wine, and listen to the waterfall.  The thundering crash of the water hitting the lagoon sounds like something it hasn't in awhile.  It sounds like Heaven.