My Heart Is Breathing for This Moment in Time // Larry Stylinson

Chapter 9: Part Nine

All credits go to usedtothebeach

~~~~~~

June 2010
Harry is 16, Louis is 24

Harry's virginity is his least favourite part of himself. He takes pride in a lot his qualities; thinks he's fairly determined, loyal and polite; and he's got a lot of self-respect when it comes to his abilities and achievements. But the whole yet-to-have-actual-sex thing isn't great.

It isn't as though he hasn't been presented with plenty of opportunities, either. Kiera McNaughton had asked him to the spring formal only a few weeks ago, and her proposal had implied that doing it at the end of the night was basically a guarantee. The handsome new kid from Edinburgh had sent Harry a Facebook message involving a proposition that he was still too mortified to think about. And Ellis always got a little tactile when she was stoned, offering up sex like it was a walk in the park.

Harry always said no. Every time, to everyone, Harry said no. It wasn't a decision that was hard- or well, something was hard, but that's because Harry is sixteen years old and 'hard' is more or less a default state. But rejecting someone who would just be a warm body, that was never difficult, because Harry was waiting for one warm body in particular. He was waiting for the man he loved, the man who promised him a real fuck as soon as Harry turned sixteen. In the meantime, he figured, his own hand was a fine enough substitute, because Harry's a romantic, what can he say.

This is the day though, the day that everything changes, that Harry's unfortunate virginity affliction gets abolished for good.

He's been counting down for months, marked June 7th down on his calendar with a little exclamation point that was subtle enough to go unnoticed by anyone else who might glance at it, but which set off a steady thrum of butterflies in Harry's belly every time he looked.

He hasn't seen a Louis since Christmas, alright, and that's a really long, really unfair amount of time. By Louis' standards of time travel conduct, Harry's been appropriately actually-fuckable for five months. Five. Months. And in all that time, there hasn't been a Louis to be found. Harry knows that there are monks and priests who supposedly go their entire adult lives without even jacking off, knows that he probably can't actually die of sexual frustration. But he feels awfully close.

The thing is that June 7th isn't only the first date in a long time. It's also basically the last. There are a few indistinct scribbles beneath it but, as far as Harry can tell, this is their last meeting in the woods like this. The next Louis Harry meets is going to be the real one, and while that thought stirs up explosions of anticipation within him, it also makes him a bit sad. This is their place, this is where everything starts and ends for Harry, and he's nervous about existing outside of this safe, familiar context.

Plus, who even knows how long it's going to be before Harry gets to meet the real Louis. It could be longer than even the last six month wait. It could be years, god. Maybe they don't even meet until, like, a music class at uni, otherwise known as forever from now. He imagines he'll have gone half-mad by then, surely. Harry already can't stand going too long without Louis' hands or his mouth, once he's had Louis' actual cock actually inside him it doesn't seem likely that he'll manage a withdrawal.

But this is Harry's lot in life, apparently, and at least right now, he's determined to make the best of it. Counting down on a calendar is hardly the only way he's been busy preparing for this date.

He'd thought at first that it might be best to have his first time in a real bed, but that wish had turned out to be in vain. He'd made all kinds of suggestions to his mum and Robin about going away for the weekend, had left all kinds of inn- and spa- brochures lying around the house in suggestion. They hadn't taken the bait. Which, in the end, had meant that the elaborate slumber party he had planned with Gemma's best friends for tonight had been for no reason at all. Ah, well, Harry hopes his sister has fun regardless.