Hard To Remember

Petty Reactions

When I remember how someone'd betrayed me I get a little salty.

Like when my best friend became my worst enemy... This actually happened twice in my life. The first time was with a girl who I'm now back on speaking terms with. I met her in middle school, seventh grade, she was the only other girl in the school like me... Or so i thought at the time. See I was different then my peers in the fact that I took after my uncle, in both mannerisms, tastes, and style. I was a goth kid through and through. Even to this day I remain a goth, I've just broadened my horizons in the music world and know how to put myself together.

This girl was a goth too (however at the time we were more so emo kids then anything). She loved Amy Lee from Evanescence just as I had as well as taste in books and clothes. We wore black makeup and all the kids in our classes would treat us the same. Like scum. "Witch, satan worshipper, fat ass," and much much worse. We could handle it together though. I loved that girl like a sister, and we did everything we could together.

One day while we were in highschool I thought it'd be a great idea to introduce her to my other two best friends at the time, one of whom is my fiance today, the other has been cut off from my life. I thought "this'll be great, three people i love coming together to share an amazing experience." This is when everything shifted.

At first she was just showing aggression towards me. I was upset about "my father" having left and i had missed him, so i was crying. She came into my room, took one look at me, asked me what was wrong, and when i told her, she slapped me. Hard. My face was red and sore for the rest of the day. I dont understand what warranted her hitting me or what was going through her head when she did it but i'll never forget that as the start of our downfall. She started replacing me with my other friends. I felt abandoned, they had nothing to do with me for a month or so. Not only that, i was left alone in a house with a bipolar narcissistic brother and a drunken druggy narcissistic mother, with no one to run to when things started to get sour.

From then on she had done everything in her power to drown me out of her life... She replaced me with the only two other people i cared about at the time. I was alone. It felt like she went out of her way to convince them to cancel any plans they made with me and to spend them with her instead. I'm not sure how many months i went without anyone i could trust to go to when i needed to breathe. She made me hate her... And for what? She succeeded at least. However, I don't hate her anymore.

I used to get salty when i saw that she still loved all the things I do, and i wanted to rip her hair out every time i saw a picture of her face on FB.

I know, "you should block her/ignore her" and i've tried. But i can't. According to my fiance she hated me too.

A few years ago, before my fiance and i got engaged, we were having relationship troubles, and she knew it. She tried to convince my fiance to move to New Mexico with her, and that they could be together and get married and she would love her better than me. However, my fiance shut her down. She's miles away, with a partner of her own, and engaged herself now.

I guess if i had one wish pertaining to her it'd be that we could get back to how things used to be.