Hard To Remember

Are you f#%!ing serious!?

The last girl I spoke of used to be pretty bad but not as much as the other "best friend" I had to cut off.

I knew the last one since middle school but this girl... I knew from ballet class when i was elementary school age. She was homeschooled and didn't have a lot of friends. Most of them were online acquaintances that thought she was much older.

She and I became friends because of how awkward and shy I was. We talked up a storm everyday before, during, and after classes. One day I finally went to visit her in her home, which was surprisingly close to my own. She had lived two streets over in my own neighborhood and i never knew. That day she and i found out we had a friend in common and went down the street to her house, starting what for the longest time would be referred to as "the three amigos" by anyone who knew us for the next 12 or 13 years.

This girl has chosen every boyfriend she's ever had over us. "Us" being Kalin and myself. The first being an older boy, who only liked her because she looked like a child. We were teenagers at the time. She would come over to our houses and tell her mother she was with us and then leave to hang out with her boyfriend.

There was a boy she had met at a Walgreens, he worked there, that she had fucked and then brought him lunch all the time. She ended up getting mad at him because he wouldn't date her.

There was another who she had met and dated for a month and then decided to move in with him. This was when we were either 20 or 21 and she was either 19 or 20. They moved 3 hrs away from our hometown into a shitty house. This is when her boyfriend really started to show how toxic he was. He was abusive to her and their dog. A grown ass man baby who broke his own phone and then stole hers from her 24/7 and if he didn't get it he'd threaten to kill himself. At some point she moved back into her mother's house without him, having finally broken up with him. She came crawling back to our doorstep and basically begged Kalin to be friends again. And for a while we were.

We had even become such good friends again that we allowed her to move in with us.

What a mistake that was... She fucked Kalin's brothers and sister in-law after promising not to.

Then came her current boyfriend. Let's just call him A. Soon after they started dating he basically moved himself into our home without even asking. We would have said yes if he'd just ask.

Things between us became so bad that I made and entire grievances list. This one is for A.

1. Do you throw you mother's decorations around her house or break her stuff? You sure love doing it to mine. It shows your lack of respect for me, my things, and my house.
2. You start to make food, then you forget about it, fall asleep, walk away, and it burns that's wasteful and dangerous and could start a fire and it doesn't take long to do so.
3. You buy food for yourselves and then come to us about being out of butter, when you could have bought whatever the house is out of when you went to the store for yourself.
4. Your selfish and pretend your a completely separate household under my roof
5. You're a hypocrite and a liar
6. "I don't get enough credit as the household peacemaker" but you wanna antagonize everyone
7. There's no substance to what you say anymore, it's all just guilt trips, gaslighting, and threats.
8. Just because I have a response to what you say doesn't mean I'm not listening or getting your point, it means I disagree with you bc I'm allowed to have my own opinion, you don't dictate what my beliefs are.
9. Sometimes you don't know when to shut up.
10. You play too damn much, and bullying gets tiresome real fucking quick.
11. I don't care if your gf sees it as endearing, stfu when I look uncomfortable bc of your bullying.
12. You have the nerve to tell me I " have to look at the bright side" sometimes but you're the biggest pessimist in the house.
13. You're not a "realist," you're an asshole.
14. You act like you're better than everyone and try to justify it based on: skin color, sex, "superior intellect," and other problematic "justifiers" that are actually just ego-stroking compliments towards yourself.
15. It's not just me, you do this to pretty much anyone you don't agree with.
16. You poke at me til I snap, then blame me when I get upset
17. Just cause it's a joke to you doesn't mean it is to me. Some of the things you say really hurt and are the things that high school bullies and my abusers used to say all the time.
18. I'm working on trying not to be so shit, I need you to work with me, instead of what feels like against me, and if you won't (because you can) then I need to cut you off for being toxic.
19. It's not fucked up that I want to keep something that is MINE (my meniscual amount of weed) for myself. It's been ages since I've had my own weed and as soon as I get any, you burn through all of yours and immediately ask for mine so you can burn through it too. But if I want to bum a nug off of you I HAVE to smoke it WITH you. It IS fucked up that I cant bum from you and have to share with you what's yours but you want to bum off of me of what's mine for yourself.
20. You always lock me out and it pisses me off but anytime you get locked out you call us all mad that it even happened. At least I carry my house key on me. You were given one when we moved in. Find it.
21. "You haven't told me I'm cool yet." Bc you're not. Just bc you bought an expensive car doesn't mean you're cool. It makes you stupid bc you cant afford the upkeep when you make the same amount of money as me.

This one is for her.

1. It's not endearing that your bf is a bully. It's annoying and it pisses me off.
2. You always push shit onto me and try to make me feel like I'm responsible for something bad happening when it wasn't in actuality my fault..
3. You always choose your boyfriends over us, it's just a matter of time...
4. It is fair to compare people who are not my abusers to them when they act like my abusers. You shouldn't berate me when I make the comparison bc it means that they need to make changes to stop that behavior at least around me because its triggering. I dont tell you that you need to stop freaking out bc someone said or did something triggering to you, and it's not fair for you to do that to me.
5. I'm glad your boyfriend helped you find confidence but you need to know that their is a fine line between confidence and an overly inflated ego
6. I dont want to pool all of my shit (weed) with your boyfriend.
7. I hate that you always side with your boyfriend without getting the other side's view first
8. You say you understand and can see both points as valid, then in the same breath will advocate for me to change my opinion bc I'm not the one dicking you down.
9. Your dick crazy and sex addicted and you cant tell me otherwise bc you follow ur boyfriends like a puppy and complain about needing and craving dick when your single.

I hope she finds happiness just... somewhere else.