Seekers

Untitled Part 5

"Huwah! Huwah!" I played through Croc: Legend of the Gobbos on my PS1. A mesmerizing experience, for me at lest, considering it was a real treatment of nostalgia.  My parents would put so much restriction on video games, yet sometimes I saw them as a way for me to redeem myself for the pain that I went through. I could hear the footsteps of my father creeping forward from afar. He leaned in close and watched me play. He didn't criticize me or ask why I was playing so much; he just simply watched me.

"Is that your favorite game?" he asked.

"Ummm, not really. I actually prefer Psychonauts or Crash Bandicoot to this platformer," I said.

"Psychonauts," he nodded his head. "Those days are long past." At first I thought he was talking about the childhood I once had with playing video games with him before he went into the war, but then I realized he was talking more about how platformers no longerreally existed.

"Yeah, they're a bit of a dead genre," I said. In the game, Croc struck his tail up against the gong and the bird came down to carry him away. "Croc also wasn't that well-received when it first came out."

"Yeah, that's pretty sad," my dad said; however, I wasn't completely sure if he was talking about Croc or the platforming genre. As far as I was concerned, he had never played Croc before. His eyes were glued to the screen like I was. 

"Could you teach me?" he asked.

"Teach you what?"

"To play."

"Uhhh, Dad, I kind of feel that games like these aren't really much intended for bonding and that jazz. It is single player, and it is meant to be played alone. I don't know if it is just me or something, I feel it is a little awkward when you intrude into an activity like this." Maybe I shouldn't have said so much.

"I mean, I used to play platformers with my friends," I quickly said as he got up and left. His face seemed a little disappointed, but what did he really expect? Did he think this was a nice family bonding activity? I was kind of proud of myself that I didn't play shit like Call of Duty.

                                                                                              ***

I walked a little bit inside of the forest, feeling a little bit burdened myself. At least the forest allowed me to have room to myself. The shcool's doctor's words continued to ring inside my mind.

"She shouldn't be acting like this; it is rather strange behavior that she feels that she needs so much room to herself. This could be harmful in the long run because it will make her an inauthentic person."

"I mean, bad grades, starting fights in school; I never thought she would be capable of any of this," my mother said. I walked through the forest. Even though it was rather on the damp and muggy side, at least there was nobody out here to pick on me or call me out for anything.

I stopped walking for some time and began waiting. All around there was purple smoke floating, which blocked my view.

Eventually I started falling asleep. My eyes grew heavy. I didn't think of it as a crime that I wanted to lay my head in the forest--as weird and strange as it was. Putting my hands underneath my head, I began to gradually lose consciousness.

                                                                                     ***

"Dormi! Dormi!" An acorn landed right in front of my nose. I didn't feel like lifting myself from my sleeping position. If I had my choice, I could remain here all the rest of the amount of time I had to be there.

"Dormi!" The high-pitched cry started again. I got up as more acorns flew in my direction. I watched as the same figure emerged from the essence of the fog.

"Come on into my house for tea; there is no time," she said. It was the exorcist. I followed on inside.

                                                                                   ***

She poured tea into a small skillet and served it into the cups. It was a rather over-complicated way to transfer tea. The two of us drank in silence for some time.  

"How is it that you live here all by yourself?" I asked.

"I don't. My guardian Matt Trevithick protects me."

"Oh." I had almost forgotten of Matt Trevithick. "So he actually lives here."

"Yes, but he is busy crafting the magic in order to make this shack stand."

"Ok," I replied, not quite sure how to respond to that. 

                                                                             ***

We walked outside deep into the woods. She picked up a praying mantis. 

"See, how the mantis is in deep contemplation..." Something snapped inside me.

"Girl, you are crazy!" I said. "I don't even know why I really bother spending time with you!" My outburst of anger caused a short amount of pain to diffuse through her. Her eyes sank.

"Wait! I'm sorry! It's just that ever since I first moved here I have been having trouble with my emotions!" I felt stupid when I said that; it was not like I had somebody significant leave my life. It was not like there was a major death or I got into a car accident. The homeland that I loved simply left me.

She wouldn't have any of it. She started running back to the shack, and I was left wondering what I had done...

                                                                                 ****

"I'm sorry!" I yelled, pounding on the door of the shack. I paused for a moment, thinking about my approach.

"I'm sorry," I said, this time softly knocking on the house. Slowly the door budged open.

"If you think I am weird, don't bother apologizing," she said. Tears still stained her eyes.

"I didn't mean to make you cry or anything," I said quickly, trying to think of something that my mom would say in a situation like this. She wiped her eyes. Suddenly she seemed like a child.

"You can go back whence you came" she said before she shut the door, and I was left filled with regret.

                                                                          ***

"Rebecca! Rebecca!" I could hear clapping in my ear as I rose my head from my desk. Drool had smothered the top of it. How many times was I going to find myself in these situations.

"Rebecca! I have had it with you! I think it is about time that you and I have a little talk together!" The entire class went "ooooohhhh!" I glared at the teacher for having the urge to yell at me like that in front of the entire class.

                                                                      ***

"I understand it is depressing that you had to move around a lot, and I know you are seeing the school counselor, but what is wrong?" I kept my head down, contrary to what the my counselor said. What was there to say? There I would go--off on my whiny self. Why can't we ever go back? 

The teacher walked in utter silence next to me. There was a warmth that coated around me as she walked by my side--an effect that calmed me from my anger.