The Open Door - Sean and Kaycee

22. Rebirth

Kaycee

My emotions are stuck on a never-ending roller coaster. One minute I'm completely helpless and sad, drowning in self-pity. A minute later and I'm fueled by an unspeakable rage. How could he? How could he ruin my life like this? In the end, I'm just exhausted. I've been lying down on my bed ever since I ran home, too nauseous to stomach any food and too depressed to do much else.

I check my phone. It's almost 2 AM in the morning, and I still haven't been able to fall asleep. There's no point in lying here forever. Sighing, I force myself to get out of bed and trudge down to the living room.

I remember with a start that he was here once. He had materialized in my living room that one day, catching me completely off guard. I distinctly remember that it was the day that I knew (or thought I knew) that I could trust him. Because he was the only one who had ever been able to make me feel like I was the most special and loved person in the world. He reminded me that I wasn't alone.

But fast forward two weeks and here I am again. Alone. Things never really change, do they?

I knew that something that good couldn't have been real. Maybe it was all a dream. Maybe I just imagined that he understood me, imagined that he cared about me, imagined that he lov--

I push those thoughts out of my brain. He's nothing, a nasty voice in my brain whispers. He betrayed you. He deserted you. He doesn't deserve you.

And at that moment, I can feel the seeds of resentment planting themselves deep within me. Suddenly, I wanted revenge. I wanted to make him feel the pain that he had caused me. I wanted him to regret that he had ever let me go.

I check my phone again. 26 notifications.

seanlew: is everything okay? u didn't come back to class.

seanlew: worried about u, please respond

seanlew: kaycee, where are u?

seanlew: please, tell me you're okay

seanlew: did something happen?

seanlew: i'm so scared, please answer

seanlew: did i do something???

"Did I do something?" That one makes me pause. Because I've spent the last five hours thinking about why he would conceivably do something like that to me. And I still can't think of an explanation. A tiny flame of hope ignites in my chest. Could it be? Maybe it was someone else?

But I scroll through the rest of the notifications and the hot, uncontrollable anger boiling in the pit of my stomach comes back. How dare he pretend like he's worried for me when he knows goddamn well that he sold me out?

The last text catches my attention.

seanlew: i'm going to bed now. i'll be at jojo's class at 11 tomorrow. hope to see u there. i love you kaycee, and i really hope ur okay.

Perfect. I make up my mind right then and there how I'm going to get my revenge on Sean Lew. By being so good that he'll be blinded. He won't even know what's hit him.

Recklessly, I go onto Instagram and create a new account. @kayceericeofficial isn't dead. She's only been reborn. A phoenix out of the ashes.

Empowerment surges through me, but only for a minute. Because then I remember my death sentence--two weeks. And the emotional roller-coaster hits me again.