Cister made me wake up at midnight to repare the lightswitch
She also made fun of me while i was doing it, like "you only have yourself to blame" and ignoring me when i asked her for things like if i was very annoying.
i didnt want to get electrocuted again but the inner me told me "yea just die now lmao"
I was really stressed out.
My life was passing in front of my eyes
Then my sister said "you better do it faster 'cause i wanna sleep"
And i replied "Shut up then."
She pushed me and asked me to "repeat that??"
And i told her to "stop talking because i'm stressed now and you're not helping"
And she pushed me again and said "don't ever tell me to shut up for the rest of your life"
I was shaking and heavily breathing the whole time. When we finished i just said "thank you." And went away.
I was breathing more and more and i was angrier. I ended up stabbing cloth with a screwdriver.
Then i remembered her words and the fact that "you're not intimidating" or "stop your emogirl shit" or "you're pitiful" and now i'm crying again and i can't control it and i HATE IT.
I miss my partner very much now
I want to see them and stay with them forever and not with my sister
I want to leave this awful place
I wish i was electrocuted and died
I wish id never grow up
I wish i was never born
I think everyone does
I want a physical presence, i want someone to hug me really thight and tell me i'm loved
But no one is there
Once i hugged a stuffed animal when i was sad because of her and she found it ridiculous and she never says she likes me a lot and
I miss my mom
I miss the past
I miss everything
I hate myself
I'm crying because of something she already have forgotten.
Now i'll stop or i'll wet my matress
i'm sorry
YOU ARE READING
public diary.
Non-Fictionthis isn't a story. i want to be active here again, because fuck it why not /!\ warnings (is that necessary??) related to the LGBTQ+ community mental disorders (!) rambling person, still lost in life i... still want a hug. i guess.
