A Spark Of Hope

Chapter One

In my experience, I've observed there are various types of pain: the pain resulting from fear, the pain of inadequacy, the pain resulting from a feeling of nothingness, the pain accompanied by the despair of losing a loved one, the pain of being lost and the unwavering aching sadness that won't go away.

That was the kind of pain I felt, 'aching sadness that won't go away'.

I lay in bed processing the earlier events that occurred. I can't believe he broke up with me.

Me! The queen of Northsouth high school. I huffed, it's a privilege that he even got to date me.

I mean not to brag but many guys are dying to get an opportunity to kiss me and all girls are literally worshipping me, I smirk at the thought but frown again. Why would he decide he didn't want me?

Even though we usually get back together, I always have these thoughts when we break up.

I sighed then flopped down on my queen sized bed biting my lip.

Oh well, I guess I'll give Marcus a try. He'd been flirting nonstop with me lately, so I guess I'd just give him what he wants. That'd be the best solution anyway, seeing as I'm normally expected to move on before he does. That's the expected protocol.

But there's a persistent pain in my chest. Am I hurt that he left me?

No, no that's not it. Why though? What's wrong with me? It's not like I'm into him, we're just the 'it' couple of the school and I like the attention I get while dating him.

But there's still something, I thought staring at my ceiling which is covered in glow in the dark stars. I couldn't sleep, I blew a tuft of hair away from my face and I'm not sure why.

I couldn't possibly have fallen for him.

' Of course you have' a tiny voice in my head said.

No, I am pretty sure I haven't, he's not really my type. He's too reserved.

'Kimberly just stop shitting yourself, you know you're in love with him' the tiny voice at the back of my head argued.

And then it hit me, I was in love with him.

That explains the butterflies when he's around me and the deep disappointment and sadness when he uttered those words.

I sighed in defeat agreeing with the voice. Ethan and I had been having and on and then off again relationship for a while, sure during our off times I do get with other guys but we always end up back together.That was the beauty of it.

I guess that's why I fell in love with him because every time we break up, I still have the assurance that we will come around. In a way, it felt like he will always be there because he was my anchor that'd keep me up no matter what. He was the only thing that kept me sane.

I felt the sudden urge to cry but I wouldn't. It's been a long time since I cried and I had lots of reasons to cry, this is just one of them.

I won't break an oath to my self just because of it.

My lips quiver and in an instant, I wanted to cry. I wanted my mother to cradle me in her arms as I cried to her about my problems for her to solve them, because I felt scared.

I was scared I'd lose him and I didn't want to lose anyone anymore. Without him, I'll have no one.

But what scares me the most is I'm not sure if we'll get back together.

What if he's leaving me for good? What if this time it's for real?

Something cracks inside but I stay strong, I won't break my own rules, I won't cry. I'll stay strong and I'll win him back, we will become the the golden couple again, just the way we're supposed to be. This is just one of our off times.