it's 2,000 o'clock AM. your heart swings low like the chariot, dropping from out of your chest to your stomach where it clenches and tightens and you wretch and scratch at the skin around the pain because you just can't stop. it's 2,000 o'clock and you can't stop:
fidgeting, cracking your knuckles because the sound gives you something other to focus on. because if you're going to do something, do it now, while you're still remembering to breathe sometimes, girl.
fidgeting, bouncing your leg, bouncing both of them and someone touches their palm to your knee to calm the movement because it makes them anxious. but it's the only way you know how to calm the nerves tugging at your heart's strings like a silly kindergarten game that you used to play.
fidgeting, shaking, quivering, crying, dying, and screaming and screaming. forgetting to breathe and barely making it above water. every time you come up for air, somebody's ready to push you back down. it's like they don't even know.
fidgeting, itching to tell someone, knowing that you couldn't if you tried, knowing that you're blowing the balloon too big (it'll pop), knowing that you don't know, itching to tell him! itching to see him again, to touch gazes and raze the anguish from the irises so that nobody calls you sad eyes anymore.
it's 2,000 o'clock AM, but everything after midnight still feels like midnight to you. all your friends are urging you to step out of the dark but if he is not the light at the end the tunnel, you just don't want to.
it's 2,000:01 and you're being straightforward and honest. you don't want just a relationship, no, not with any body but his. you don't want any one heart, be it even beating like a well-spoken mantra, not any one heart but his own. you know something now, though you didn't follow the plan through: you have just the one heart, and you will save it till it's age old, just holding out for the one heart does not want you.
doesn't matter. you'll wait. you'll suffer, but so will others. the world doesn't revolve around you, i truly wish you knew that. i don't love you, not like i should. not at all.
