Dear Ana

02. reflection

Dear Ana,

when i stare in the mirror,
all you do is point out,
scrutinize every flaw,
every imperfection.

it's come to a point where
i shower with the lights off
so i can't hear you,
where i avoid my reflection
at all costs,
where i dress in baggy over-sized
shirts and clothing
so no one can see how disgusting i look.

i've always wondered
what it's like to look into a mirror
and be pleased with the image
reflecting back,
but i know because of you,
i'll never be able to.

nothing's ever good enough.

and people,
they tell me that i'm pretty,
that i'm skinny,
but you laugh and scoff at them,
whispering
that i will never be pretty
and i will never be skinny.

those are the times i wish i was free from you.

- from, me