whatever it takes • gravity falls

skeleton in the basement

Stanley Pines was alone.

He was used to it, of course. Being the unwanted twin would do that to you. Being homeless at seventeen would do that to you. Pushing your twin brother into an alternate dimension would do that to you.

Stanley Pines was alone even though he was surrounded by people. There was Mabel and Dipper and Soos and Stanley was alone. His twin brother (the other half of the dynamic duo-) was minutes away and Stanley felt more alone than he ever has because he knows that he's about to be not alone very soon.

It was three versus one and Stanley was alone on his defense and it feels like he's trying to convince the devil to buy a heater. The giant eye of the portal loomed over the room abnormally in the same way bricks weren't supposed to and Stanley was trying to sell his hardest product: himself.

He doesn't know what the kids know and he doesn't know how they got down here in the first place but here they were. Stanley knew how to roll with the punches.

(It was a lesson that he was forced to learn. Driven hard into him like a nail when he was in Columbia. Suffocating him as the air around him turned stale. As putrid as the taste of blood filling his mouth as he chewed his way through. He didn't survive being locked in a trunk by sitting around and thinking about it. Life knocked you out and you had to stand up and brush yourself off.)

Stanley could see that the kids were terrified. He couldn't blame them, he was too. Dipper had been so close to hitting that button, only stopping by Stan's yells at the last second. There wasn't enough time to explain everything and Stanley wants to kick his own ass for being such a coward and not explaining everything sooner.

(Stanley could only imagine how that could turn out. Sitting the kids down. Pulling out Journal 1 and seeing Dipper vibrate from excitement. Mabel joining when she learns she had another great uncle. "And another twin!" Mabel screeches so high that it sends spikes through his hearing aid. The weight being lifted off his chest that he's gotten used to and he finally feels like he can breathe for the first time in thirty years. No more lies. Boy, a man can dream.)

Being a coward is what brought Stanley to come running as soon as his brother said so, whether that be a positive or negative thing. It's what made him drive all the way to Oregon without a break, just enough time for hopes and dreams to manifest enough to be crushed under the boot of his very own twin.

Being a coward led Stanley to visit his brother's science fair project alone. To not coming home after he was kicked out. To stealing his brother's identity. His life was driven by fear and the stupid, un-thought out responses to that fear.

Gravity was falling (Ha, Stanley thinks, almost laughing out loud. His nerves are pulling up in his stomach and he's desperate to expel them somehow. But he sees Mabel's face again and it quickly dies.) and he's rising in the air. His heart skips for a moment as he realizes they're all floating up like he did thirty years ago. But he takes a breath. They're not passed the yellow line. He needs to focus.

He swallows his fear like a pill, ignores the ways his old man body seems to be working against him, ignores the doubts in his head that seem to get louder every year, ignores the way his legs feel numb at the anticipation like he's about to go on a roller coaster, ignores the way his eyes are stinging (from the light of the portal, Stan insists to himself, he doesn't know who's he kidding), and summons all the stubbornness he's harbored all his life.

Stanley's against the wall and there's nothing he can do. There's nothing anyone can do besides Mabel.

Mabel Pines. A force to be reckoned with. Kind. Bubbly. Erratic. Loving. Forgiving. Confident. Too good for Stanley Pines and his shakespearean tragedy of a life (or, maybe his life is more Dickens). She was the belly-laughter in the late afternoon summer. She was the overwhelming need for tears when reunited with an old friend. She was the first breath of air you take after you thought you wouldn't take anymore. She was the crinkle next to your eyes, worn in from years of smiling. She was walking in a warm room from a blizzard outside. She was warm sand under your toes, the clink of your soda bottles together, and a High-Six. Mabel Pines. Sweaters, braces, glitter, and a smile that would knock you off your feet.

She acted on her heart, reminding Stanley of himself. She contrasted Dipper, who acted according to his head. They complimented each other in a way that Stanley and his brother never could.

"Listen to your head!" God, did Dipper remind Stanley of his brother. The way he calculated everyone and everything. The way he tackled life with an eagerness to solve life's mysteries. The way he was so incredibly smart but still struggled with talking to people.

Dipper complimented Mabel in a way that Stan and his brother never had. Together, Mabel and Dipper could defeat anything. He knew deep in his heart that they wouldn't end up like Stan and his brother. He was determined to make that happen.

(Yet, here he was. Pitting them against each other. Forcing Mabel to make an impossible choice between him and Dipper.)

His world was in Mabel's hands. Hands too small to be carrying all that. She was just a child. And Stanley was terrified. Maybe it was wrong for him to be that scared, but he was.

He had to focus. Take a deep breath. Focus on your feelings. Control your fear.

Soon, everything will change. Everything he's worked for will finally reach its apex. He'd finally be able to stop lying, throw his arms open and just hug his brother. Talk to him. Say sorry. Say I love you. Remember together. Have him meet the family. Share a High-Six.

But then he locked eyes with Mabel and he knew. He knew.

Mabel wore her heart on her sleeve and he knew what was about to happen. He knew with cold feeling that dropped from his gut to his toes. His shoulders slumped and immediately his eyes stung. Any words he could have provided died on his lips. 

Mabel looked away from him, voice barely getting past the roar of the portal behind her but surrounding Stan all the same, "Grunkle Stan, I'm sorry."

She pressed the button with a red 00:01 on the clock. The portal blinked out of existence and gravity caught up with them, pulling them all back down to earth.

Stan pushed himself up to his feet immediately. He stared at the thing he's put countless hours into, mouth agape as he felt empty inside.

He could see Dipper run to help Mabel up, pulling her away from Stan like he was some wild animal but Stan felt removed. His hands and feet felt tingly, as if they were some tv channel without signal and distantly he could hear himself muttering "No..," over and over like a mantra.

His mind wasn't processing enough to figure out the what the looks on the twins's faces meant. He clung to the word No like it was a safety blanket and he was a scared kid.

A glint from the ground caught his attention and he saw Journal 1 laying innocently in front of him. He stumbled forward, throwing himself down and skidding on his knees. He laid his hand on the six-fingered one on the cover, just spotting his reflection in the gold before tears obscured his vision too much. He clutched the book to his chest as he sobbed. Loud, gross, and ugly.

He didn't even need to check the portal's control panel to know. He was never going to see Stanford again.

He wept.