aftertaste ;; 2jae

7

Youngjae looks out his window and there he sees the person occupying his thoughts moments earlier—Jaebum.

He shuts his blinds and gets back to bed. He doesn't want Jaebum to see how much of a mess he is right now and he especially doesn't want to let him know that he is the reason why.

Again, his phone buzzes and it's no surprise whose it from.

Jaebum
>>Youngjae
>>come out
>>please

And for some reason, that's all it takes to make Youngjae get up and walk straight to their front door contemplating whether or not he should turn the knob and run in the arms of the person he loves or get back to his bed and cry for a lost love. At that moment, Youngjae's mind fails to function making him turn the knob to walk to where Jaebum is.

The night breeze makes him shiver, so he hugs himself as he slowly makes his way towards Jaebum.

He is now face to face with his love, and only then does he see such grief evident in someone's face it reflected his own. Their eyes eventually meet and that's all it takes to ignite the sparks between them.

"Hey," Youngjae says with his voice cracking a little bit.

"Hey," Jaebum says not breaking eye contact.

"Thanks for coming out and meeting me here like this, you don't know how much this means to me," Jaebum says with glazed eyes as he tries to prevent his tears from spilling and all Youngjae wants to do is to hug him and tell him how much he loves and misses him.

"I missed you." Youngjae realizes a second too late what he just said.

"I missed you too, Youngjae," and suddenly the space between them is gone as Jaebum reaches out to embrace the younger in a tight hug.

"I owe you an explanation," Jaebum says through their hug and Youngjae only nods.

They pull apart from the hug to rest their foreheads against each other both wiping the tear strain left on each other's faces.

"I have to show you something," Jaebum says and pulls the younger away. 

"I'm sorry," Jaebum says as they walk to a destination still unknown to Youngjae.

Youngjae wants to say something but right now his words and feelings are too caught up in him that he couldn't articulate anything coherent.

Jaebum reaches out to grab Youngjae's hand as they walk sidewalk after sidewalk until they arrive at the place Jaebum wants to show Youngjae, the graveyard.

"The graveyard?" Youngjae asks.

Jaebum didn't say anything and only pulls the younger with him to the graveyard. After a few turns and steps, the couple comes to a halt in front of a grave. Youngjae's eyes widen.

"Why didn't you tell me?" are the last words from Youngjae mouth before he starts sobbing.

Jaebum pulls him into a hug, "shhhh," he says more to himself than to Youngjae as he too has tears streaming down his face.

"It was hard, Youngjae, it was very hard," Jaebum says when they pull apart from the hug. They stand face to face with each other and now it's Youngjae's turn to comfort the older, he places Jaebum's head on his shoulder as he runs his hand up and down his back as if to soothe the pain.

"Everything was so sudden," Jaebum says and Youngjae feels the way his body trembles from his cries. "I was the one driving. It was raining and the road was slippery," Jaebum says through his cries and every word pierces straight to Youngjae's heart. "I was... I was careless and now..."

Youngjae's heart breaks, he didn't know what Jaebum have gone through. He didn't know Jaebum lost his mom.

"I was scared, I was scared I'd fuck up again and lose you, I didn't want that to happen," Jaebum says.

"I didn't want to lose you. So I started distancing myself from you, coming up with an excuse to push you away, out of my life because you deserved better," Jaebum, with his forehead still on Youngjae's shoulder, explains and his voice is filled with regret and pain. 

Youngjae lifts Jaebum's head up to face him as he kisses his tears away, a peck on both cheeks before he kisses Jaebum's lips. "I will never go away, you won't lose me. I promise," he tells the older and there it is again, the sweetness mixed with the bitterness.

~

The two of them are sprawled on the grass of the nearby field beside the graveyard with Youngjae using Jaebum's arms as pillow. The two of them watch as the night sky gives way for tiny specks of lights to shine through.

"Hey Youngjae"

"Hmm?"

"I love you"

"more than strawberries?"

"more than strawberries."

"more than cigarettes?"

"of course, what kind of question is that?"

"I love you too," Youngjae says as he snuggles closer to Jaebum.