Breaking Pointe

Chapter 19

Arabella blushed as Tyler pulled out her chair. It was one of those sweet southern things he did that she adored. She probably would have appreciated it more if she wasn't so nervous for dinner.

"You still blush around me sometimes" he teased with a big grin. She decided everything sounded better with a southern accent. Everything. Damn.

She noticed something unusual. He looked down at his lap and started fidgeting. He looked... Nervous. She had never seen him this nervous.

She was nervous, too. She didn't remember the last time she was at a restaurant feeling pressured to eat in front if people. In front of Tyler. She was sure she was going to throw up.

The waiter came up and asked for their drink orders. Tyler looked at Arabella, who managed to order a water through a dry mouth before he ordered some sweet tea. He was cliche like that.

He smiled up at the waiter and confidently said, "I think we are ready two order. Two orders of Alfredo, one with extra chicken please." She thought maybe she was wrong about him being nervous, he seemed fine while he was ordering.

He ordered for her. If she was normal that probably would have been cute. But she wasn't normal and it made this situation all the more real. In a few minutes someone was going to place a plate of food in front of her.

The waiter walked away and Tyler got nervous again, playing with his hands and running them through his hair. No matter how nervous he seemed she was sure he couldn't be as nervous as her. She was looking desperately for a way out, an excuse. Just one dinner could add noticeable weight at this point and she couldn't do that. She had to be perfect. She hadn't even realized he was talking until she heard, "I'm falling in love with you, Ella."

That snapped her right back into the moment. "Huh?"

"I... I'm falling in love with you." He said, looking a little confused and on the verge of hurt.

"Wow." She said, stupefied to her lap.

They sat there in silence for a moment. She couldn't believe that had just happened. I mean sure, she really liked him and felt kind of dizzy around him every now and then and he made her blush a lot and treated her really well and was a super great kisser and all but love? Then she realized she just hadn't thought about it before. She had been so focused on ballet that she didn't sit and think about her feelings but now that she had she couldn't get it out of her head. She loved him. She loved him!

She opened her mouth to tell him when the waiter stepped up with two plates of Alfredo. Her stomach dropped. Every high she had from realizing she loved Tyler went away and was replaced with pure dread.

Tyler bounced back as soon as he saw the food and have her a signature grin. "Dig in, darlin."

She picked up her fork gingerly and slowly moved it toward the plate. Trying to keep her internal cringe from showing in her face, she placed it in the bowl, twirling it around. Tyler had already shoveled in a few bites and was now watching her intently.

Her stomach protested at the smell alone. Her eyes dropped to her stomach where she could see the ever present fat roll. Her mind repeated over and over, you will not get fat.

"Don't you like Alfredo?" He asked, the concern in his eyes so sincere.

"Yeah" she mumbled. She could have said she didn't like it, but then he would have just ordered her another dish. It was pointless.

"What's wrong hun?" He asked, cupping a hand around her face and trailing a few fingers through her hair comfortingly.

Arabella watched as if it happened in slow motion. His face changed to horror. He looked at his hand. She saw a chunk of her hair in his hand. She gasped. She had read that a side effect of dieting could be hair loss, but she never thought it could happen to her.

The look of horror on his face changed to a mixture of determination and anger. "Take. A. Bite."

He knew. Oh, dammit he knew. She slowly twirled a piece of pasta onto her fork and then made the mistake of looking at him again, pausing her hand.

"Take a goddamn bite, Arabella." Louder this time. A few people at tables close by turned to look at him. Her hand that was holding the fork started to shake. His hands were already shaking with anger and emotion.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she registered that he had used her full name. She lifted the fork up to her mouth, stomach churning.

All the hungry days and practice and everything she had worked for flashed through her mind. Times her stomach growled and scales and Jordin and Tina and the future she dreamed about every night. She had to be perfect. She had to make that happen. It was more important than anything.

She couldn't do it. She set the fork back down and wiped a stray tear.

"I've never seen you eat except that one hot dog." The anger in his voice was evident, but was wasn't obvious was if it was directed toward her or himself.

"I've just been dieting for ballet." She said quietly to her lap.

"Dieting?" he yelled, actually yelled this time. He held up the chunk of hair and shook it. "This isn't dieting."

"How would you know? You don't know anything about what I do for ballet, the sacrifices I've made to get where I am."

"I do now! This isn't healthy and it's not right!" He roared. Everyone was looking now. She felt extremely self conscious. "How could you do this to yourself?"

Something snapped. "I thought you would support me." She yelled back at him, not caring who was watching anymore.

"I'm not hurting myself."

"I'm not either! I'm your girlfriend you're supposed to support me!" She yelled at him, holding back the tears threatening to fall.

He held up the chunk of hair again. He didn't yell, he said quietly, "I will never support this."

Her stomach turned. He didn't understand. She had to be perfect. Tina was right, he was a distraction. This dinner had gone worse than any horrible scenario she had imagined over the past week. She knew what she had to do. "Then I guess we're over."

"Dammit Arabella." he yelled as she set down and walked away. "Don't do this."

Her back was to him so he couldn't see the tears starting to fall. All the people staring at her in the restaurant could, but she didn't care about them. She didn't care about what anyone thought but Tina and the scouts.

No distractions. No food. No imperfections. No love but dance.

Author's note: I'll just leave you with that
-Hannah