Love is Liz (LiL, #2)

I - Love is Rainy

The skin of my face was slick with water. I was uncertain how much of the liquid consisted of rain and how much were my salty tears. It was questionable whether I could distinguish them if I tried. Either way, it didn't matter, the fluids had gathered into one and I was positive I wouldn't be able to endure rain without being reminded of the taste of my own tears for an extended time period.

Mother nature was relentless as thick, round droplets hit their target, trying to intimidate the simple human walking the streets, into hiding for shelter. It stood no chance. It needed more than just water for me to shy away. I was but a mere human indeed, yet I was a mere human who had fought greater battles than those against mother nature. Really, it hadn't been a fair fight ,to begin with.

My clothes were sticking to my form, starting to itch against my formerly dry skin. But really, all these sensations, the sound of rain hitting the pavement, the musky, humid scent of rain tangling through my hair, the splash my shoes made when I stepped into a puddle - and successfully soaked my socks - it was all white noise.

I couldn't fathom anything beyond the pain in my heart. I'd thought I was hurt after I opened the message from Mr. or Ms. Unknown and my perception of the person I trusted was flipped on its head, but it was nothing compared to this. The truth, the terrible, terrible truth was almost worse to bear than my worrisome speculations.

And at the same time, it was what I'd needed. Maybe I was just that much of a masochist, but I couldn't have handled it if he withheld even a smidgen of the story from me. I asked for the truth, however cruel it might be, and the truth is what I got. Even though the sudden urge to roll into a ball and never untangle again had overcome me, in a way, I was relieved that no lies stood between us any longer.

In retrospect, the picture was only the first wave of shock and pain to engulf me. It didn't stand a chance to what I was feeling now.

Legs like softened butter, unsure and shaky, I'd stumbled blindly through the door and onto the deck. My friends, I noticed distantly, were close on my feet. The panic was building in my torso. From my diaphragm, climbing its way up my chest and worming through my organs-stomach, heart, lungs-like some sort of vermin, searching for a way to break free from my body. Knotting my chest together so unbearably tight in its search for an outlet that I lost my breath.

I stood no chance against mother nature then because the air was gone. Looking back into the concerned faces of my friends, it hit me how unfair it was that the only oxygen stolen was mine, as though my lack of proper breathing counted as punishment doled out for a reason unbeknownst to me. However, the air might have been gone, but I kept on looking for it nonetheless, taking deep gulps of nothingness in an attempt to satisfy my needy lungs. Too much air and still not enough, it didn't take long for dizziness to make its appearance.

Meanwhile, the pest was clawing its way up my throat, digging its little feet into my flesh and leaving it raw and sore and open as an invitation for its friends to visit. Dancing over my tongue, the little beast left a dryness behind I was sure the muscle looked as shriveled as a raisin.

Every time I tried to satiate my lungs, yearning for oxygen, my throat closed up in disapproval and the fresh, cold air prompted a gag.

I sagged against the wall and the ground rose up to meet my behind once my blurry vision was joined by black dots, dancing around my view of the lake as though they were throwing a party dedicated to my misery.

My eyes squeezed shut.

"Liz!" They'd been talking before, but I'd lost the ability to put the words their mouths spoke into meaning. "Are you okay?"