Illusions | Marvel Imagines

Selfish ~ Peter Parker (part 1)

Word Count: 1,307

Summary: It's a break up there's nothing more to say. It's just angst.

A/N: I tried writing something about Peter. I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think about it please! Thank you for reading :)

She looked at her watch for the hundredth time and he still wouldn't show up. So she checked her phone for the hundredth time too and there were no messages, no calls, nothing.

"Is he ever coming?" asked her little sister impatiently.

"Yeah... He is. He's just a bit late." she replied absent.

Just a bit late [Name] repeated a few times in a failed attempt to reassure herself.

The meal was getting colder, but the young woman was too ashamed to tell her parents her boyfriend would never come.

"Maybe you should call him?" her mother said.

I already tried, too many times, she wanted to reply.

"Yes, mom. I'll be right back."

She quietly left the living room and went to the garden. Her eyes were filled with tears, and she was filled with shame, anger and sadness. "I should have known." she thought. After all it wasn't the first time. She was used to Peter always canceling their plans. But why did it hurt so much this time? Maybe because for once she thought she was more important than Spider-Man. Her biggest mistake.

[Name] let the tears roll down her cheeks, alone in the silence of the night. She thought about different excuses she could make up to justify Peter's absence tonight. Finally, she ended up using the most common, the one he used all the time on her.

"I'm sorry. But Peter won't come tonight. He's so busy with the Stark internship, you know..."

"Oh, that's too bad. There's really no way he can make it? I mean we can wait." her mother insisted.

She had been waiting for so long to finally meet the young man. Her daughter was always so private about her relationships, keeping everything to herself. But this time she sensed something different. Therefore, she wanted to meet him. There was something about the way [Name]'s face lit up whenever anyone would ask her about Peter that made her believe he wasn't just someone for a moment. 

"No, mom... There's... no way he can make it. I'm sorry." she said, almost having trouble forming the words.

She was trying her best to stay composed but it was hard and her mother noticed. She got closer to her daughter and tried reassuring her.

"It's okay. We'll all meet him another time, honey."

"Sure. You'll meet him another time..."

It was around eleven pm when she got back to the apartment she shared with her boyfriend. He still wasn't there. But she wasn't surprised. Tonight was far from what she expected it to be. The young woman just wanted to take a hot shower and sleep.

Unfortunately, her mind wouldn't let her. She kept turning in her bed, each time pushing sleep far away from her. Suddenly she heard a noise escaping from the living room. Peter was back.

She used to wake up and make sure he was fine whenever he got back from his little missions. But this time she didn't want to. Part of her felt guilty for that, what if he was badly injured? [Name] lived with the constant fear that one day she might never see the man she loved ever again, just like everyone who dared to love Peter Parker.

At first she thought she could have handled it. But the truth was she couldn't and she never could. The excitement she felt when she discovered Peter was Spider-Man disappeared quickly when she learned what being a superhero meant. Being a superhero meant sacrifice. Peter sacrificed himself every day just to make sure everyone was safe and she would always admire him for that. But [Name] had to make sacrifices too. She needed to understand that everyone's good was and will always be more important than her.

Sometimes she wished Peter was just a normal guy and not Spider-Man. She wished she could protect him, shield him from the dangers of the world, from the burden of being a superhero.

But that was impossible. Spider-Man was part of Peter Parker, and she could never stop him from doing what he wanted. Especially when he had such good intentions.

The door to the couple's bedroom opened, and Peter entered quietly. Having noticed [Name] moving he asked.

"Are you sleeping?"

She stayed silent for a while, feeling him slide in their bed, next to her. Then she opened her eyes watching the young man's face.

"No, I'm not." she replied coldly.

"[Name] I'm... I'm sorry for tonight."

"Yeah, whatever Peter." she concluded, moving and making sure her body wasn't touching him.

"No, I'm serious. I am sorry. But..."

"But what ?" the young woman cut him off angrily.

Peter didn't reply anything he only watched her while she sat up on their bed.

"It's always the same thing, always and I can't even blame you for it! Because all you ever do is for the greater good. Listen I know saving the world is above me and I thought I'd always be okay with that, but I'm not."

The young man sat up and got closer to his girlfriend. He felt so guilty hearing her words. Peter never wanted her to think she was less important than his superhero life, but she did. Because he made her feel that way. But how could she? She was his whole world after all, she was the one he had been fighting for all this time. At least that was what he thought. Peter failed to see the battle he was carrying had nothing to do with her but had everything to do with him, only him. What a strange thing it was to be so altruistic that you became selfish.

"I messed up tonight. I knew it was important to you, and I didn't show up because I got caught in other things like I always do. But I don't want you to feel like you aren't important to me [Name]." Peter said taking the girl's soft hands in his.

"No Peter, I... I know I am important to you, but the point is I'll never be more important than this whole superhero thing. I will never be more important than Spider-Man and don't even try to argue with me on that. Because it's true and I should be okay with that but I am not. When we started dating, I thought I could put up with this life. I thought my love for you would be enough to overcome all the challenges we would face. But I am human and I am selfish. Sometimes I wish I could have you all for myself, I wish you weren't Spider-Man, I wish you weren't so obsessed with always doing the right thing."

"But I am..." he replied, his brown eyes filled with sadness and shame.

Yes, shame. For the first time ever Peter was ashamed of his alter ego. Somehow he knew where this conversation was heading and he feared it.

"Yes, you are and you'll always be." [Name]'s voice was quivering and her eyes were filled with tears.

"That's why I have to let you go Peter."

That was it, which he feared the most, the end.

"[Name] please... I... we can get through this..." he mumbled tears now threatening to fall.

Peter felt like there wasn't any air in his lungs anymore.

"No, we can't. Please... don't make this more complicated than it already is." she said wiping the tears rolling down her cheeks.

Peter didn't want to let her go. He wanted to beg her to stay, but he knew her decision was final. He knew that if he insisted it wouldn't be fair. So he said the only thing that was on his mind at this moment.

"I am sorry."

"No, don't be, not anymore. I am sorry. Sorry for being so selfish."