Letters to You (frerard oneshot)

The Letter

•.Letters to You•.

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'Dear Frank,

Frank, Frankie, all I can really say is I am so extremely sorry. Why you may ask? I'm sorry for letting you go, for failing you, for not believing there could be an us.

Back in 2004 we shared our first kiss. It was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me all rolled up into one magical moment. After I pressed my lips against yours all I wanted to do was fade away and forget everything else in the world. Then, when you grabbed me and kissed me back, I swear my whole life was made right then and there. That night after the show, we shared many other kisses, quickly falling too fast for each other. I'm sure we were both feeling this way for a long while before that night and all of our tension was let go of together. I miss that Frank. I miss being able to kiss you for fun because it was a stupid crush that I ruined.

I'm sorry to tell you this now, but at least it has no meaning anymore... well, for you.

I understand you're in an amazing relationship with Jamia and have two beautiful daughters, Lilly and Cherry. You basically have the perfect family and I know you couldn't be happier. It physically hurts me to see how much joy you've been blessed with over the years. I'm not one to be speaking of pain, seeing as I'm wonderfully provided with Lindsey and Bandit. I'm not lying when I say I love them to pieces and would do anything for my beautiful girls, but I'm not completely happy.

Don't get me wrong, like I said before, I couldn't love my family any more then you love yours but there's just something gone.

After that one night, actually followed by our time spent at warped tour, and a few years to come, I kept falling for you although I knew you already had Jamia as an amazing girlfriend. I loved your relationship with her and still do because quite honestly, the two of you are practically perfect for each other but still I kept falling deeper and deeper for you. It was no surprise that I was scared out of my mind. I was young and basically at my high point of fame. I was confused, nervous, and didn't know what to do. That's when I found Lindsey.

She filled my void. She both physically and mentally held me together while I was getting over you. As said above, I was scared. Petrified! That's why I was so quick to marry her. She was the one thing that could keep me away from you! Then it turned into love. Not exactly the same feeling though. Eventually I decided to settle down with Lindsey and start a family after you and Jamia had married seeing as it was pretty much all over.

Soon, Bandit was born, followed by your adorable little girls and I couldn't be happier. It was almost as if the two of us were raising a little family together by the time danger days rolled around. We were both on tour the whole time, but we were together.

Then things went wrong. We all drifted apart and I just had to break up the band. Something I never told anyone before now, is this.

One of the reasons I called a tragic quit on my career was you. I was still having these feelings and I couldn't stop. I was perfectly happy with the life I had, and well, have still but I continuelessly craved your affection. It tore me apart knowing I could never have you.

I once said a few words that have impacted many.

May death never stop you.

And death most certainly hasn't stopped this. Oh how wrong I was to think that immortality meant never dying Frank. I love you. After everything. I still love you.

I can't take it anymore and I'm so sorry for everything I have put you through. Everything I'm throwing away. It's not worth it if I can't have you, but I also really wouldn't like this to ruin your life as I feel it might. You have everything! Hell! I have everything... except you. Please don't think you can change this because I know your love isn't true and even if you felt the need to pretend just to save me it wouldn't be the same.

No, there is no way in the world you have caused this and if by any means people ask you, this never happened. I don't want anyone to blame you on what is about to happen. I don't want you to blame yourself. All I want is for you to live your life to the fullest and try to forget about all the times we had. If it makes you happy, remember the good ones! Remember all the great times we had on tour! Remember the great times we had as friends.

Remember me.

Frankie, I love you. I LOVE love you. Thanks for always being there and don't ever blame yourself for any of my selfish thoughtless actions. It is my life after all.

Umm I honestly feel the need to insert this into my note just to get it out and yes, I honestly feel ashamed for saying this and I can just imagine the cute little blush on your cute little face when you're reading this not so cute little letter. Here it goes.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I fucking love you. I LOVE YOU!!!! Frank Anthony Iero, I love you.

There that's it. Aw I just made myself giggle thinking of how you must've looked either disgusted or embarrassed by that. Okay back to normal. Sorry by the way.

It's my time. I'm failing everyone I've promised. I'm provoking people. I'm ruining many lives. I'm sorry but please hold them back. Save them. You have amazing potential. That's one of the many reasons I love you.

Now I don't want your last memory of me to be disgust, so if you'd gladly just delete every time I said those three precious words from your brain we can just move on and pretend like everything's okay.

Thanks, that's why you're my best friend. So I hope you'll forgive me.

Thank you for everything and, um, I'm not so sure how to say this. I'm sort of drowning in my own tears now, but I've made my decision. When you read this, I'll be with you... Just in a less human form. I'm sorry Frankie but.. Bye?

Love (or like),

-your best friend, former lover, and current guardian angel, Gerard'

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My hand twitched as I reread the note over and over before pristinely folding it into a black envelope and wrote 'To Frank Iero' in silver sharpie on the front, slightly hesitating to add a small heart beside his name.

His name. Frank. Frank Iero. Such a beautiful name. Frank Way...

No, I mentally slapped myself for that one before kissing the letter and sticking it on a small pile of mail Lindsey and I were due to take to the post office tomorrow. Along with it lay a letter for Mikey, Ray, my mother and father, and everyone else I've been attached to enough to write a letter for. I left one for Lindsey and Bandit, who was obviously not old enough to be that attached. Lindsey however... I'm not so sure how she'd cope with this, but we all need to move on and try new things. Which is exactly what I never did. I never moved away from that one boy who once captured my heart.

Well, with that thought it was decided. I walked into my bedroom and took one last look at the scene placed in front of me. It was a beautiful bedroom, I'd miss it. I'd miss Lindsey, I'd miss Bandit, I'd miss Mikey, Ray, and more then anyone, I'd miss Frank.

I glanced at the note placed on our, um, her bed to make sure it was still there. I also went to the small table sitting beside the bed, picking up a picture of the three of us. I placed small kissed on my gorgeous girls who I loved dearly.

I know it's selfish and wrong to leave them behind, but it was my destiny. I then picked up a picture of us. My Chemical Romance, 2004.

I felt a sudden pang of guilt while thinking of letting us slip away and break before I myself did the same. I said my last goodbyes to my literal and mental brothers. Saying sorry to each of their faces, watching the salty tears that slid down my sunken face hit the glass of the picture. I stopped when I got to Frank.

This is the time. I pulled the pills from my jacket pocket and shook most of the contents into my hand. I looked back at Frank and kissed the picture before muttering my final words.

"I'm sorry Frank. I love you but unfortunately, I was to afraid to keep on living. I'm really not okay right now and I just have to say so long and goodnight, I'm off to the Black Parade." With that I swallowed the pills, blew everyone one last kiss and let the darkness slowly take over.