I Swear I Can Write

First

So thought I'd start on a humourous note. I hear it's the 'in' thing theses days. Back in my day, being funny was a cool ting. Now every other person thinks they're a world class comic, cracking puns every chance they get. And the worst thing is, they probably are. Cos that's how low world class comics are these days. PUNS are funny. Hysterically so.

So yes, a humourous note. Therefore I've named this .txt (file extension for notepad) file 'humourous '.

In case you don't get it, there's a pun in there. It's the best I could do, really. I'm sorry.

You should know, I'm at the epitome of the fake funnions. Sorry.

On a tangent, yes, I do always write on Notepad. Cos I'm the absolute nightmare of a spelling bee contest and the red line gits on Word are very distracting.

Let me tell you a thing.

When I was a kid, 'bout 4 or so (we're talking like a century ago, by the way) I'd recently discovered the film called 'Tarzan'. So one fine day a friend of my oldest sister was at our house playing around and doing the normal kid things, right? At that point, I'd prolly watched the film about 54 times or so. As a child I had this tendency to need to impress the older, cooler kids. So I had to show this older girl my moves, you get?

Any guesses for what I did?

Nah you're all wrong.

I got on a small table right in front of a pair of curtains, grabbed the curtain belt and leaped off Tarzan-style and, for 2 nano-seconds, swam in all my airborne-glory. After which I fell (rather ungracefully as well yikes) on my right arm, fracturing it in the process.

~One Year Later~

I don't remember exactly all the circumstances surrounding this incident but the gist of it is this:(for, truthfully, 'the gist of it' is all I remember) I was running around the house. As most five-year-old children would, I picked the living room to zoom into at full-speed. And I charged on, unsuspecting of the laws of friction, momentum and inertia, made it to the big carpet and slipped. And fell and fractured my other arm.

I'm telling you this because I have strong reason to suspect that in both these incidents, it was the humerus that I fractured. And so you must understand, you must sympathize, you must empathize that there simply is no (proper) humerus in this note.

Thank you.

Please come back.

I really can do better.

I swweaaearr I can write.

Ey, for real, though. Thanks for reading!

I'm thinking of posting one of my wanna-be short stories next, what do you think? Let me know, and send me your love. Or hate. That works too.