I still keep your letter tucked in the drawer beside my bed. Every once in a while, I pull it out and read all four pages. It never fails to bring tears to my eyes.
I still remember your smile. I remember the crinkles by your eyes and the dimples in your cheeks, the way you scrunch your nose when you laugh.
I still remember the tearful talks as everything seemed to be falling apart at the seams. I remember your promise, that you would always be there for me. You haven't failed me yet.
I still remember the late night text conversations that lasted until dawn.
I still remember that long night in the hospital room. You told me to go home, to get some rest. But I couldn't leave your side. I remember the overwhelming fear of the unknown, but you gave me that smile and I knew it would all be alright.
It's hard to believe that you were never mine. I watched as you went from girl to girl, each relationship as unsatisfying as the last. I stood by hoping that someday you would realize that I was everything that you wanted. But that day never came.
I still remember the morning that I left. I can still feel your embrace, my head tucked against your shoulder. I thought about kissing you, but I held back. I wish I hadn't. I wanted you to tell me to stay, that you couldn't live without me. But instead, you simply wished me well and saw me off.
And now I lay here in an empty bed in strange new city, 706 miles away from you. You've fallen asleep with her by your side and you're happy. You are so happy. And I am happy for you. But I can't help but wonder what could have been. We could have been happy together. But instead, you are happy and I am alone.
