An Unexpected Calm

Part 5

The first thing that I noticed when I woke up the following morning was that it was hot. And by hot, I mean scorching. I was in the cave under a blanket, and I could feel a layer of sweat coating my back, making me feel grimy and sticky.

I threw the blanket off of myself with difficulty, kicking my legs to untangle them from the blanket. Once the blanket was off of me, I rolled over and laid down on my stomach, burying my head in my pillow and sighing heavily.

That's when I realized how sore my legs were. I felt a stiffness in them, and kicking them around a couple of seconds before had only intensified the feeling. I rolled over onto my back and placed my hands behind my head. I inhaled deeply, letting the fresh air wake me up faster.

As I laid there slowly waking up, the events of last night came rushing back to me. I don't know what had prevented the memories from coming forth earlier. Maybe it had to do with the fact that I was extremely tired when they had happened, or the fact that a sort of haze had settled over my mind last night from Perrie's touch.

It almost felt as if it had been a dream; a really hot dream at that. I knew it had been reality though when I ran my hands over my neck and collarbone. As my fingers tentatively ran over my smooth skin, I felt little jabs of pain as pressure was placed on bruises on my neck. Those hickeys were the evidence. That, and the soreness of my legs. Perrie and I had sex last night.

I wasn't really sure how to feel about that information. I'm still not even sure how to feel about Perrie. Sure, last night felt purely amazing, but I'm not really sure what it had meant.

It wasn't like it was a passionate moment filled with love; it happened mainly because I hadn't had such intimate contact in years. I guess it just felt nice to have someone making me feel that way again. I think the lack of sleep and my exhaustion attributed to the fact that I let last night happen.

Don't get me wrong, wide awake I still would have let Perrie do what she did. There was no denying that I found Perrie very attractive and alluring at times. I would have never acted on how I felt about her though, so I was glad that she had initiated things.

See, the thing is that I could get used to an arrangement in which Perrie and I fulfilled each other's wants and desires. Last night was wonderful, and now that I know Perrie is that skilled, I wouldn't mind doing things again with Perrie. I do owe her one.

The problem is I can only tolerate Perrie when she's like she was last night. I actually like being around her when she's caring and joyous. When her attitude is like that, I find myself instantly calming down and relaxing, just enjoying life in general.

The thing is, Perrie isn't always like that. At other times, she can be narcissistic, rude, pompous, and obnoxious. All of those are instant turn offs and make me want to be as far away from her as possible.

To make things even more complex, I have absolutely no idea about how Perrie feels about last night. Did she enjoy it? Had she always wanted me like she said she had? Was it just something that happened in the heat of the moment? I definitely think the circumstances yesterday are what urged us to do those things. Perrie and I were both elated from my accomplishments. Maybe the blissful atmosphere clouded our judgment.

This all just sucks because this was supposed to be simple. This was just supposed to be a one-time thing to relieve some pressure, but in the end, it's not. Instead, I'm sitting here pondering things when I should just move on with my life. The thing is, for some reason, I can't just let go of last night.

I know this is so problematic because as I lay here, I can't clear these thoughts from my mind. I should be able to just roll over and go to sleep, or get up and get some laundry done. Instead, I'm laying here contemplating my situation with Perrie, the most unpredictable person in the entire world. I just know I'm going to get absolutely nowhere.