An amazing nightmare//Dolan Twins

{Chapter 42}

The drive home was silent and I kept thinking about what the hell had just happened, I pulled into my driveway and put my head on the steering wheel and just thought about how he spoke and looked at me. Why was I so affected by what he had said? This isn't the first time Ethan's been sexual around me so why couldn't I just forget about it now? Maybe because I missed it, because i knew i'd miss him?

Something hit the front of my car and I jerked up to see Jess laughing at me from the front, I rolled down my window and flipped him off "You bitch, you scared the hell out of me!" I rubbed my forehead and he leaned onto my driver's side door. "So did you tell Ethan to beat it or did you change your mind?" He asked me unamused and I looked at him to study his gaze "How did you know I was with Ethan?" I questioned as I turned off the car and pushed him away so I could get out "Well I met up with the guys to get pizza so I knew you weren't with Grayson. Plus you have no others friends so it wasn't that hard for me to put it together." He teased and walked back inside. I didn't even bother taking my shoes off at the door, i just made my way to my room and collapsed onto my bed.

Today was my last day with the boys, my last normal day. After i tell them tomorrow everything's gonna have to change, I'm going to move over the summer to start my new life in a new place with new people and i wasn't even 20 yet. i'm not ready, not at all, i know i won't have to pay for bills or rent but i'd have to pay for my own things like groceries, clothes and other necessities. Would i find a good enough job to keep me floating? I know i still have my family but they're doing so much for me i can't ask them to pay for my everything. I have one more year of high-school then i'm done. I'm an adult and life starts i go to college and get a job. I'm not ready i can feel it i hate being on my own i always feel like something will go wrong. What about the boys? what will they do, what if me not choosing one makes the situation even worse? What if one of them can't take it and- no. stop don't think like that.

They're going to hate me and i can live with that but what if they end up hating each other? What will i do then? Their situation is already awful but imagine if they were at war with one another? I'm gonna miss them so much, i don't want to even think about life without either. what if this is all a mistake and i'm not strong enough for this? What if they're angry at me and they come after me, they wouldn't do that would they? My head was spinning at 100 miles an hour and all the anxiety I've been pushing back finally came crashing over me. 

I wasn't ready to do any of this and I really just want to get this over with I felt like if I waited any longer Id go crazy. I walked over to my bed and just laid there. When we moved to LA my mom promised us a fresh start and a better future but ever since we left Florida everything started going downhill. Why didn't I stay away from Grayson? Why couldn't I be honest with Ethan, if I didn't lie about Grayson being here then none of this would have happened. But I also wouldn't want to give up my time with Grayson, every beautiful moment I've spent with him has been unforgettable. 

At this point all I want to do is go to sleep so I can get this over with, the more I think about the boys the harder it'll be to do this. 

-

Warmth holds my whole body in a soft hug and I feel peace, this is serenity. I curled my fingers around my warm sheets and finally opened my eyes, they felt heavy and my vision was blurry. My curtains were open and I could see the trees and sky from my bed, slowly I uncover myself and crawl to the end of my bed closest to my window. My neighbors were outside tending to their yards, kids were running around playing and the birds were chirping their happy songs, I opened my window to breathe in some cold air. Little knocks pull me from my train of thought and Jess is standing in my doorway. "Hey sis," He walks over to my bed and sits next to me and holds my hand "Are you ready to do this?" He was speaking normally but everything seemed so quiet and bland. "I don't think I could ever be ready, even with all the time in the world." He looks at me sympathetically and stands in front of me. "You should go shower and get ready, I'm making breakfast so when you're done just come down and eat, okay?" I nod my head but I don't make a move to get up, I wanted to enjoy the peace of my room for a little longer. "Come down whenever you're ready." He pulled me into his chest for a hug and immediately I wrap my arms around his torso.

This isn't goodbye, I know it isn't Jess is my brother and I'm never letting my family go but I've had Jess by my side all my life. Its always been him and I against the world but now it seems like its the world is against me and Im not ready to fight it alone. With Jess being all the way here in California and me up in New York I won't have him here by my side everyday. He let go and let me get ready. After a few moments of just thinking to my future I finally stood up, my legs felt wobbly but I still dragged myself over to my bathroom. I turned on my light and looked at myself in the mirror, to my surprise I didn't look as bad as I felt. I turned on the hot water and stripped off all my clothes, I looked at myself in the mirror and remembered every touch and kiss Grayson and I shared. The way he held me and the way he touched me, how his hands fit perfectly with mine and how his lips made me melt. I step in then warm air and steam welcomed me in, the hot water burned my back but it didn't bother me enough to turn it down. I washed my hair and scrubbed my body to wash away their touch. The way Ethan grabbed me and kissed around my neck and chest, the way Grayson help my hips and kissed me, the way Ethan grabbed my thighs and held me down, the way Grayson rubbed my back while we would hold each other. I started feeling light headed so I turned off the water and stepped out.

I dried myself off and slid on some plain blue jeans, a hoodie and some shoes then I grabbed some of my things and sat in front of the mirror. First I dried off my hair, then I brush it out and put it in a bun, I put some lotion on my face and rubbed it in then applied chap stick and got up. I cleaned my room so it looked perfect, I put all my things back where they were originally, threw my clothes in my hamper, I fixed my bed then gave everything one last look over and went downstairs. I could smell pancakes when I made it down to the kitchen and I saw Jess making the last couple of them. I sat at the island and grabbed 3 pancakes, Jess grabbed a few and sat next to me. "Do you need me to go with you? I could stay in the car and I promise I won't say anything or interfere I just want you to be safe." He was looking at me but I just continued to eat. "No thank you, I can drive myself." He touched my shoulder and I looked over at me "Don't you dare try to act all tough with me, I know you Audrey you're my baby sister I know you better than you know yourself." I could feel my eyes fill with tears but I didn't want to cry now, its too early to start crying. "I love you Jess, you've been my rock for the last 18 years of my life. If I needed you to drive me I would ask you to, this is something I need to do on my own. This is between the twins and I." I finished up the last of my pancakes and took my plate to the sink, I grab the key and go sit in the car.

Ethan, Grayson

Now 10:25A.M.

me- Meet me there in 15 minutes 

Hello readers! 

I've held onto the ending of this book for so long and now here we are one chapter away from the ending. This has been an extremely emotional journey writing this book and I'm ready finally to let go.