Amnesia

Chapter Seven

It is now the month of April and during this time of year, although it isn't raining anymore, there is still gloom about ninety percent of the day and a small sliver of sunlight that hits just around three in the afternoon. Since the last time Alexander and I had our 'first date', we haven't really gone on one after that. It's partially my fault since I insisted that I wanted to work again and even though it was a huge debate, I won and was able to call the company I worked for and ask to come back. Unfortunately, although I had already faxed my boss my medical paperwork, she explained that after what happened, she just can't have someone unstable, working in her office without first seeking medical help.
It made me mad to hear that but I guess it was so that she knew I was making progress on my memories and that I wouldn't forget anything since the company her bosses, bosses, boss runs, is a high end company with zero tolerance for mistakes. So basically, I have to see a therapist and have them evaluate me before I can get back to work. This have been proving difficult since Alexander wants to be with me during these sessions and I would much rather be alone. But since he's such a silver tongued devil, he convinced me to have him there so he has an idea of what I'm going through first hand.
"I just don't want to ask and you feel pressured to answer and then get upset because you don't want to answer." Alexander explains as we drive to Santa Monica for my very first therapy session. I am a little nervous because, to my knowledge, my family doesn't actually believe in therapy. They always believed in handling things on their own or with the family.
"I understand, I do." I place my hand on his thigh as he drives me there. "You know though, you don't always have to go. I know that this takes time out of your appointment with important clients."
"That's really considerate of you," Alexander says and glances at me with a smile. "I just don't think I can spare a minute without being by your side even though you were only away for a few weeks."
And there he goes again with his killer, Alexander-knows-all smile that I can't help but smile back at. The problem is, is that I want my own freedom to go where I want. I don't want to be stuck being chauffeured everywhere I need to go and burden Alexander or anyone else.
"I just think it would be a great idea to maybe have me drive sometimes." I reply suggestively. "You know, take the pressure off of you when you're busy or stressed out."
"It wouldn't be a bad idea. I mean, you do need your license again anyways." He mutters a list of things I still need that my new purse is empty of having. Including a house key.
"Alright," he finally says after much thought. "I'll right a list of things down that I think you'll need and need to take care of and we'll get it done by the end of the month."
I was really hoping to have it sooner but I guess even he can't rush the DMV from getting what I need.
We finally arrive to the building in Santa Monica and park behind it. It's a little chilly on this side of town so we hurry up the stairs to find the room 201 we were told to go to. Upon walking in, there's a small waiting room with three doors and what looks like their break room or conference area. I look at the time and we're ten minutes early.
"Come here and sit," Alexander urges from his seat by the window and I sit beside him, feeling more nervous than ever. What do I even say to this lady that she'll think will help me? Will I be able to help myself through this? And why on earth does Alexander have to be in the room with me? I realize that it's my first time in a whole month that I'm actually annoyed with him for wanting to be by my side and I wish he would just wait here.
The door to my left finally opens and a person dabbing her eyes steps out. A blonde with medium length hair and glasses peers behind her with a smile.
"Mrs. Vale? And Mr. Vale, I presume?" she asks and we both stand. I walk to her first and take her extended hand, shaking it.
"You can just call me Melissa." I smile and she nods her head and shakes Alexander's. He doesn't offer a formality towards her but she doesn't seem offended by it.
"And you can call me Teresa, it's a pleasure to meet you both." She smiles and opens up the entrance way for us. "Please, make yourselves comfortable."
We both do as she says and Alexander takes a seat a little away from us, in the corner of this warm, orange room. It almost feels like sunset in here with her comfortable couches on either side of the walls, a coffee table, side table, and calming, ocean music. When I sit down, I instantly feel a little more at ease and yet more nervous all at once.
"I understand that this is your very first visit?" Teresa asks as she sits down on the other couch, across from me.
"Yes," I say and look to Alexander who watches and listens intently.
"And you brought your husband for moral support?" she asks, looking to him now with an unimpressed, almost annoyed look herself.
"I came because I understand how hard it is for her to open up and talk about things she isn't comfortable saying in fear of offending someone and I would hate to make her feel uncomfortable if I were to ask her later on what you both discussed and she not be forthcoming with me about it."
The more he explains himself, the less it sounds logical that he's even here to begin with. Teresa just nods and smiles.
"I hope you know that as a doctor, I do not recommend my patients having their spouses or children in the room with them unless of course it's a couples or family therapy to which I do neither." Teresa looks back at him as he stares at her, almost glaring. "But, since I would just like to get to know Melissa for the hour I have her, you are allowed in here this once time. But, as California law states, I can't have you in here during sessions unless issued by the court due to privacy concerns of my patients."
I like her. She knows how to stand up to someone without being scared of them. Unfortunately, my husband is a lawyer so I wait for his backlash. To my surprise, he doesn't give it. He simply nods his head and sits back. Satisfied, Teresa turns to me with a smile and extends her hand out.
"Please feel free to use any of the tissues if needed." Teresa offers but I tilt my head in evident confusion.
"I thought this is only an introductory meeting?" I ask and she shrugs.
"For some people, being in this room is overwhelming enough to make someone cry." Teresa explains and sits back. "So, according to your medical records from your doctor, you have acute amnesia?"
I confirm with a nod and she looks at me without pity or sadness. "Would you like to discuss how it made you feel when you initially were told this several weeks ago?"
"I'm not sure how to put it." I reply and sit there for a moment. I look over at Alexander as he watches me curiously and then back to Teresa. "I suppose the normal feelings of fear, anguish, feeling lost, and having mild panic attacks."
"Do you still get mild panic attacks?" she asks and I shrug.
"I did in the very beginning of when I was released but over time, a friend had helped me overcome them so I have gotten them less and less as time has gone by." I explain. "I did have one about a month ago when I was trying to remember things in the apartment my husband and I live in. But I was able to calm down within a few minutes." Actually, it had felt like ages and I was still scared I'd have a panic attack at any moment. But aside from that, I really don't want to talk about Daphne right now. Not in front of Alexander. I know that he understands and accepts what happened, but if I'm not careful I could say something that I'm not really ready to admit whether to myself or to him.
"And this friend, did they help you with anything else?" she asks and I nod my head.
"She actually was the one who saved me the night I was attacked." I explain and I can see from the corner of my eye that Alexander is a little upset about that still.
"Care to tell me about that night from what you remember, of course." Teresa fixes her glasses on the bridge of her nose as I explain from what I could remember from that day. I still don't have all of the pieces back in place but the less I've thought about it, the more the memories have come back to me. I remember waking up that day knowing I wouldn't be home early enough because of this later meeting we all had at the office for a new launch we were trying to put out for Calvin Klein's underwear. I had wanted to talk about something with Alexander that night over dinner so he said that he would love if I made his favorite -which I still don't know what it is- and we could discuss it then.
I remember the goodbye in the car wasn't so light like I had hoped it would have been but we still gave each other a kiss goodbye in the car and our usual wave and blew each other a kiss. I don't remember the details of my work day that dreadful Monday but I remember that it was already seven in the evening and I was running so late that I barely had time to run to the grocery store. But I managed to get there on time and since I was close enough to the apartment building from where I was, I decided it was ok to run through the alley.
I pause at the alley.
"Are you ok?" Teresa asks and when I look at Alexander, he doesn't look very pleased with the story. I'm not sure why.
Ignoring him, I explain that the alley was a little longer than I had anticipated so I tried to hurry when someone approached me. I described the man much better this time around than when I had first visited the police station with Daphne so long ago. I still haven't received a call from Detective Oslo unless they declined his request and didn't want to disappoint me and break the news that the investigation was off.
"Next thing I know, someone had saved me in that alley that night and I woke up in a hospital bed with no memory as to who I was." I explain and my time is up.
"I think we'll pick up from there next week, Melissa." Teresa stands and that's our cue to get up and leave. We both shake her hand and leave, walking down the open hallway and down the stairs.
"Are you annoyed?" I ask when we get to the car.
"Annoyed?" He asks. "Why would I be annoyed?"
"Well, you looked like it the whole time." I reply softly and his frown softens when I reply to his question. I watch him grab my arm gently, pulling me in and holding me in his arms. I cling to his coat and snuggle my face in his warm chest, smelling that familiar oak and cinnamon.
"I was a little annoyed that she's kicking me out of your sessions and making me wait outside." He huffs and I giggle, looking up at him. "I guess it would be better to teach you how to drive so you can just take yourself."
"If that's ok with the all famous Mr. Vale." I tease and he reaches around, pinching my nose. I laugh harder now and he laughs with me, opening my door for me.
"Yeah, it'll help me miss you more." He gets me in the car and shuts it when I'm inside. I smile with glee to the success I feel with this first session and the fact that I'm given some independence now from my hovering, overprotective husband.