Daron's Guitar Chronicles Volume 12

963 Like the Weather

Like the Weather

The next day was Christmas Eve proper. Court and I got to the house maybe an hour before noon to find Janine and Claire in an argument and Landon nowhere to be seen.

"Traditionally," Claire was saying, "we would have Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve and open gifts then and on Christmas Day it would be just what Santa Claus brought."

"You are out of your mind. We never did that," Janine was saying in reply.

Neither of them was right. We had done it that way maybe two or three times while I was growing up. So that's not "never" but it's also not what I would have called a "tradition."

I didn't say anything, but Courtney couldn't help herself. "I don't remember ever doing gifts on Christmas Eve."

"I meant when I was growing up," Claire said, now that they were ganging up on her. "Why shouldn't we do it that way?"

"How about because your man won't be back until tomorrow?" Janine pointed out. "Unless you want to do it twice?"

"We only bought one turkey," I felt compelled to add, taking my jacket off and hanging it over the back of the couch. It didn't sit there more than half a minute before Courtney moved it to the coat closet.

Janine rounded on me. "About that. Where is it?"

"On the deck in back."

She was giving me one of those you-idiot looks.

"Don't give me that look! I checked. It was a safe temperature last night."

"You. Left a raw turkey. On the back porch."

"Frozen. It was still in its bag and everything."

Janine put her hands on her hips. "Show me this turkey."

I went through the kitchen to the dining room and the door to the deck. Through the glass I could not see it. I opened the door and went out. No sign of it. "Um."

The three women stood in the doorway looking at me. Janine came out in her stocking feet and looked around the yard. "There. What's that."

I jumped down and retrieved what she was pointing at: a piece of trash in the grass. Judging by the words on it, it was a mangled fragment of the plastic the turkey had formerly been shrinkwrapped in.

She examined the plastic, handed it back to me, and gave me the you-idiot look again.

"Raccoons?" Courtney asked.

"More likely coyotes," Janine said.

"Okay, well, it sounds like we need to go get another turkey anyway, so I'll buy two?" I said trying to sound smooth about it. Courtney was trying to stifle a laugh. Claire had a little smirk, too.

Janine was having none of it. "You really are an idiot."

"How was I supposed to know you have foraging wildlife?"

"I can't believe you did that."

"Nobody told me."

"It's a good thing there haven't been bear sightings."

And on and on. The more outraged she got, the closer to hysterics Courtney and Claire got, to the point they were both snorting with laughter. I was clearly never going to live this down, so all I could really do was milk it. "I'll get a bigger one this time. One that'll last two days."

"I'm pretty sure that turkey was already big enough to feed ten," Courtney said between snorts.

"Leftovers are definitely a family tradition," I said in mock seriousness.