Daron's Guitar Chronicles Volume 12

1006 Number One Dominator

Number One Dominator

I ended up walking to the gas station in the dark, while she and Flip and Chief were stoned and they weren't paying attention to me. It was a pretty long walk–forty five minutes?–but that was all right. It wasn't very cold and it was good to get some exercise. Walking back I might feel differently but at least on the way there I was kind of glad to be out and moving.

Serendipity. When the gas station was in sight, my pager went off, and it was Ziggy's home number.

I had the sudden worry that the phone would be broken when I got there. But no, it worked.

He picked up right away. "Daron? That was quick."

"I was almost to the phone when I got the page. You doing all right?"

"I'm tired and I'm lonely," he said, which was good because it was no bullshit, but was bad because that meant he wasn't pulling his punches. And that one got me in the gut. "How about you?"

"I need a reality check from you." After all, that's why I had walked to the phone in the first place.

"Oh? You know it's my favorite thing in the world to provide one. Well, maybe behind sex."

"I can't tell if you're being sarcastic. Being with Claire has my detection systems all messed up."

"Which is why you need a reality check."

"Exactly." I leaned against the white-washed wall while a gas station attendant I hadn't seen before came out, walked several yards down the road, and lit a cigarette. "I think I'm getting better at reading her and figuring out what she means."

"But it's come at the price of not knowing what anyone else means?"

That made me laugh a little. "No, no. It's just that I'm only now figuring out how deep the manipulation goes. And so I want to apologize or make up or something for being blind to it."

"Well, that's interesting. What did you think you were missing?"

"This is where the reality check comes in. Ziggy, I think she's been trying to drive a wedge between us all along."

I heard a hot snort come out of his nostrils. "You really think so? I think it'd be better if we owned our relationship conflicts instead of pinning them on her."

"We can both own our relationship conflicts and also be aware of what's going on. Or am I imagining it? Don't you feel like she's trying to drive us apart?"

I heard a rustling sound that was probably him climbing into bed. I heard his head hit the pillow. "How about you tell me what makes you think she's trying to drive us apart."

"First of all, every time I bring you up, she tries to tell me what you're thinking and feeling." The clerk down the road was smoking with a vengeance, taking long drags and then tapping his foot while he blew smoke up into the air, his head back with impatience. I imagined him rehearsing a fight with his mother. Or girlfriend. "'Ziggy wouldn't like that,' she says. Even if she's right, it's as if I don't know you way better than she does? Like she's trying to convince me."

"Interesting. What else?"

"And just, come on. I'm a dumbass, sometimes, but how else did I get so wrapped up in what she wants? You interpreted my staying behind as me choosing Claire over you, while I thought I was choosing Claire over Jordan. I thought that because she wanted me to think that."

"Very interesting."

"She wanted you to go to New York without me. She wanted to get a cabin in the woods. She wanted... you get the idea. Is it all adding up, or is it me?"