Rivers of Reverie

11. To the Other Side of the Lake

The girl approached the lakeshore, uncertain.

"Is there something worrying you?" Eris asked, noticing her hesitation.

The novice did not answer, but did not advance either.

"Liryl, if you have doubts or fears, you should not be afraid of voicing them," the head priestess encouraged her. "We are in no hurry, and nobody forces you to do it if you don't want to."

Eris's words managed to cheer up the girl a little.

"You know, I've been waiting for this moment all my life," she finally said, trying to find the best words to express her inner turmoil. "But, I was thinking ... the priesthood of water exists to lead and support their sisters. What sense is there in me, an outcast, becoming a priestess of water?"

Eris smiled and sat down next to her, hinting her to sit as well.

"But I..." the girl tried to object.

"Come on, will you have me speaking the whole time with my neck bent like this?" the woman prodded her, looking at her from below. In the end, Liryl gave up and sat down by the lakeshore, next to the priestess.

"That's better," she commented in a satisfied tone. "If we are to speak calmly, there's no reason to do so while standing." Then, after a short pause, she continued. "During your journey, you surely must have met other priestesses. Tell me, dear: do you think that even one of them would be troubled or tipped if you were initiated as a priestess on this day?"

"... No," Liryl conceded. "But ... what right do I have to become a priestess, after having caused the death of so many sisters?"

"Have you forgotten what I told you before, about spirits?" Eris asked her in return. "They do not care about our daily matters, about our tribulations, about our very lives. The terms on which you enter in a relationship with spirits are ever changing. It is never up to us alone to decide the terms of our bond between them and us."

"For what reason, then, should I become a priestess?" the girl asked.

Eris let out a sigh. "It's the question which is ill-defined, little one. Think about it – why do priestesses put themselves in the service of their communities? Why do sentinels swear to defend their sisters, no matter what?"

The girl shook her head, perplexed.

"Because they want to, Liryl, that's why," the head priestess explained. "If you keep looking for reasons to relieve you from the responsibility of making your choices, you won't find any, because they don't exist. Reason can help us understand the consequences of our own choices, but it can't choose in our stead. In the end, when it comes to making a choice, it's our will which has to decide. And the only question which can give you an answer to your conundrum," she concluded, "is if you want to become a priestess, or not."

Liryl peered in silence at the surface of the lake.

"Do you mean," she then murmured, "that I could refuse, as well?"

Eris nodded. "Nobody will force you to become a priestess if you don't want to – least of all me. If I came all this way, it's just because I believe that, after everything that happened to you," she said, with a shade of regret in her voice, "you had at least the right to choose on your own, this time."

The girl turned to meet the priestess's eyes. Indeed, ever since she started her journey, she had been living all as if she could not do otherwise. Even when she did take a decision, part of her felt nonetheless constrained by circumstances to act like she did. Perhaps, what scared her the most in this moment was not the considerations she had expressed aloud, but the deep-seated fear that, this time, her choice was entirely in her own hands. No duress, no justification would have sealed her path. No other person but herself would have cared about what decision she would have taken on this day. Her mere act of will would have shaped her own destiny.