content warning for suicide mentions
part one:
i decided to disappear that day.
i didn't know what i'd have to pay.
and no one's words could sway
me from my darkest ways.
i decided that i'd soon die.
from the jump rope noose i'd fly.
and i'd detail my last goodbyes
online, they'd care and ask their whys.
they decided to call my school,
i felt like a fucking fool.
i cried, i tried, i called them cruel -
but no, i was, anger my fuel.
they decided to hospitalize me.
to take away what made me free.
to charge my parents a dozen fees,
and ignore my most helpless pleas.
i decided not to depend on trying.
because still, i planned on dying.
and through all my vicarious lying,
i couldn't leave, stuck with my crying.
i decided to stay one night,
my mind changed with a fight.
i decided to leave that day,
and back my mind went to the gray.
i decided to flee, to cry.
i decided never to fucking die.
i decided to hate myself,
decided to die, my worthless twelfth.
i tried, i cried, but i never died.
i'm glad i'm here. my tears haven't dried,
but still i fight through up and downs,
my family and cats keep me on the ground.
i decided to love my life.
even though my painful strife
has made me wish for death,
i decided that trying was full of wealth.
