i lay awake in a hospital bed,
my arm tied to an IV.
my stomach spilling with regret,
i asked if i could go pee.
They made me hold the door open
just by the slightest crack.
i pissed in a cup so they could test it,
i knew I'd never be going back.
i took my very own innocence
on that very endless night.
with a misty gray bottle of vodka,
i took it without a fight.
i chased each shot with lemonade.
i chased each with some tears.
i ignored my swirling stomach,
and my endless fears.
my mother's face was grim,
her disappointment clear.
i knew i'd failed her.
i fucked up her little dear.
and i still think of that each night,
while lying in my bed.
i don't know what she thought of me,
what was running through her head.
and the sad part? i don't care
that i ruined everything.
because life's so fucking miserable,
behind all the hopeless bling.
