Count The Stars

thirty-one

I didn't expect him to call me anymore, let alone invite me to come talk to him at our spot. It was unsettling coming back to a place that held so many memories made in so little time. I expected to see Adam crouched down on the floor, blasting something by The Beatles or Troye Sivan and singing along, messing up the lyrics more than he should.

Instead, I saw Adam in nothing but a t-shirt and basketball shorts, clutching onto a big ball of fabric like his life depended on it. When I jumped down into the pool, I noticed that the big ball of fabric was none other than a sleeping boy, wrapped up in Adam's long coat and mittens covering his pudgy fingers.

"James?" I whispered.

The little boys head popped up, an adorable smile making its way onto his face, which was red with cold. With a shaking hand, Adam pulled his brother's wool hat down to cover more of his face. "Hello! What's your name again?"

I glanced to Adam, who's eyes were puffy and full of panic. I put my best smile on my face and turned back to James, crouching down to him. "I'm Eli. We met at the swings one time, remember?"

"I remember. And then I went on the slide!"

"You sure did! James, do you mind going back to sleep for a little while?" I asked, trying to be as upbeat as I could while questions ran through my mind faster than I could comprehend.

"It's past your bed time, Jay. I just wanted to take you on a walk before all the snow melts, but I think it's time to sleep again. Don't you think?" Adam said, his voice quivering ever so slightly in a way only I could recognise. James nodded and buried his head into his brothers chest. A minute later, soft snores were coming from the boy and his breathes became long and laboured.

I glanced up at Adam, who looked like he should have tears spilling down his cherry red cheeks. Instead, he was breathing quickly as his face got redder by the minute. "Bloody hell," he mumbled.

"Mate, why is James here?" I asked carefully.

"My mum— she told me she made up her mind." I went to ask what he meant, then it dawned on me. I had been so caught up in my own life, I nearly forgot that Adam was so close to losing his little brother. And judging by the rapid rise and fall of his chest and the way his face was scrunched up like he was forcing tears to stay in his eyes, he was even closer than before.

"Are you sure? Is she sure?" I questioned, trying to keep my whispers light and calm for James's sake.

He nodded and let out a shaky breath. I let my eyes linger on his face, which used to hold such a convincing grin. I would do anything to see the corners of his lips quirk up again in a way that made his dark brown eyes brighter.

"I broke my door," he admitted "and I made another hole."

I bit my lip and watched as his eyes stayed on the ground, barely open. "That's alright."

"I'm sorry," he said, so quietly I nearly missed it.

"Hey," I turned his head gently so his eyes met mine. "Don't be sorry, Adam. You didn't hurt anyone."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

We stayed like that for a moment, letting the quiet take over as we looked back at each other. I wanted to kiss him. More than anything, I wanted to close the small amount of space between our us and feel the exact same excitement and happiness as I did last time. Adam glanced down at my lips, then back up at my eyes, but I convinced myself quickly it was just my imagination.